Liar Sprite: Chronically Misunderstood

For some reason anesthesia makes me a bit agitated and generally put out with anyone and everything. This specific incident took place after my second colonoscopy/endoscopy and for some reason I decided that filters weren’t needed and I definitely wasn’t gonna use mine.

When I first came to consciousness there was part of a popsicle in my mouth and I was very confused. Apparently I had said I wanted it, but I don’t remember any of that. My dad was holding the stick and the first thing I said was “What are you doing? Why would you do that?” in an accusatory tone. It’s a good thing I have nice parents who just smiled and then jokingly made fun of me later. They’ve put up with a lot from post-procedure Alyssa, and she isn’t always very nice.

Later the nurse asked me if I wanted any Sprite to take some medication with and in a fog I said yes. She came back with Shasta Twist which was completely unacceptable to drugged up me. I turned to my parents and said, “oh so all they have is lair Sprite? I don’t want this liar Sprite.” Apparently anesthesia also makes me high maintenance. I was deeply offended that someone would try to pass off brand soda onto me like it was the real deal.

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The clean out for a colonoscopy is enough to make anyone on edge, but add medication and an already sarcastic attitude and well the outcome isn’t always very pretty. I think it’s really funny that I said those things because I never act like that, and I can’t believe that off-brand soda offended me. Who knew I was such a brat when it came to Sprite?

Lots of Love,

and Sprite 😉

Alyssa

 

 

 

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Poop Shoot: Chronically Misunderstood

Way back in the very  beginning of my medical journey I had my first ever CT scan. The pediatrician I saw thought I was having an appendicitis so I had a scan scheduled for that afternoon at the hospital in my town. Up until this point the only person in my family who had been there was my brother for a collar bone fracture, and the care wasn’t very good, so our hopes weren’t high, but we didn’t have any other choices that we knew of.

When I arrived for my appointment they have me two one-liter bottles of contrast to drink. It was thick like a smoothie while also being chalky. One was berry which I was fine with and the other was banana. I absolutely hate banana. It isn’t just a food I don’t care for, it’s my least favorite food and the smell alone makes me want to vomit. They didn’t have any more berry though, so I was going to have to suck it up. I had two hours to drink it all and I already wasn’t feeling well.

Needless to say the next two hours were awful.  I couldn’t finish the last half of the second bottle and when we went back so they could perform the CT and told the tech I couldn’t finish she said, “Oh that’s fine, one was probably enough.” Are you kidding? I dry heaved the whole time while forcing myself to drink this nasty paste and I didn’t even have to drink the second one? Ugh

Then comes the IV. This was the first time I had ever gotten one and I was terrified. They made my mom stay in the waiting room which didn’t make much sense because they hadn’t started using radiation yet. The same annoying tech stuck me three times and surprise, surprise didn’t get it.  She called in an ER nurse who got it… three times later. The whole time they searched for a vein she kept saying to me “all we’re gonna do is a take some pictures to look at your poop shoot.” I swear she said “poop shoot” like twelve times. Maybe she thought I was constipated, but there’s no way she could have known that from looking at me.  I may have been 12, but I was more than old enough to know and understand anatomical names for body parts.

Both during and after the scan she also mentioned my “poop shoot” again. Something about that phrase just weirds me out. People say some odd things to kids into to try to relate to them. If your curious I wasn’t constipated, at the time I had Mesenteric Adenitis which was super confusing and I’m still not sure how it all fits into this puzzle. I can’t help but laugh every time I think about a grown woman squawking “poop shoot” over an dover again. Who thinks of these things? 🙂

Lots of Love,

Alyssa

I Can’t Be a Drug Addict: Chronically Misunderstood

I have terrible veins.

They’re deep, tiny, and they roll.

On this particular occasion when I was getting my blood drawn the phlebotomist was terrible at her job. She stuck me four times, didn’t cover up the pokes afterward, and instead of cleaning up the blood she just made a bigger mess by wiping it all over my arm. The biggest no-no she did was stick me with the same needle twice. I watched her as she used the same needle, but for some reason I couldn’t get my mouth to protest.

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On her fourth try she looked up at me, grins, and says “you have terrible veins, you could never be a drug addict.” I just stared back at her in complete shock, while she looks at me with the same big grin. Who says that? Yeah it’s funny, but what an odd thing to say. Maybe she was trying to lighten the situation since she was doing such a horrible job? That’s all I can think of. I’m still confused why that would be the first thing she thought of. Was she a drug addict? If so, it’s not my place to judge it just seems like an odd train of thought.

Are you a hard stick? Has anyone ever said something really odd to you while drawing your blood? I feel like I meet a lot of weird people, but maybe I just remember them more than other people. Let’s just file this one under a funny experience.

Lots of Love (and no drugs?),

Alyssa

 

 

School & Sunglasses: Chronically Misunderstood

This one is inspired by Chronically Dannie. She wrote about her high school violating her privacy, and it brought back this memory I had stored away.

The way high school is set up in my town is we have a freshman center and then a high school for 10-12 grade. Our school is huge and everyone couldn’t fit in the main high school, so freshman had their own building. The administration at the freshman center were super uptight, and were know-it-alls, hence this situation.

If you aren’t familiar with what a 504 plan is read this. I had a meeting about my 504 plan and accommodations, it went fine, they couldn’t come up with very many solutions or things to help me, but that wasn’t a new situation at this point. The next week my mom emailed them to follow up on some plans, and the 504 coordinator responded by telling her she had a new idea. She said I was going to be required to wear sunglasses while at school. WTF? I never wear sunglasses inside and when we told her I wasn’t gonna do that she said, “well my kids who have concussions do it and it helps them, so you should do it.”  She was taken back by the idea that I wouldn’t do that.

Wow I had no idea she had such an extensive background in medicine. Thanks Dr. Web-MD! I’ve never had a concussion and sunglasses aren’t gonna help my migraines, plus do I really need to stick out more? I was already “that girl who’s gone all the time,” I didn’t need to add “sunglasses girl” to the mix. I appreciate her trying to do something, but this wasn’t helpful, and the way she came across also didn’t make the situation better. Also, in what world can you make someone wear sunglasses inside? Definitely not the one I live in!

This just in, sunglasses cure migraines. I guess being in pain was completely avoidable all this time. This also wasn’t the last time that someone told me wearing sunglasses would “cure” my migraines. It’s funny now, but I still think it’s really odd. Have you had any weird experiences or “cures” offered to you due to chronic illness?

Lots of Love,

(and absolutely no sunglasses)

Alyssa

 

Yes I’m in the Room: Chronically Misunderstood

For a while now I’ve been trying to come up with some sort of title for a series of stories that have to do with misunderstandings, awkward moments, and chronic illness. This is the best title my brain can come up with for now: Chronically Misunderstood

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Yes I’m in the Room:

First off you’re gonna need to know a bit of the back-story. In the seventh grade (2012) I had my gallbladder and appendix removed. The healing process was long and my pain only got worse from there. I had some complications and vomited bile, all day, everyday or over a week. It was the beginning of missing a lot of school and church, because I felt awful.

This incident happened at a church I used to attend but left a little over a year ago. We spent a total of around six years there and I’ve mentioned before that it had a lot of problems. At this point we had been there for around three years and were pretty engaged. It was a huge church, and it became very easy to slip through the cracks.

One day at the end of Sunday school the main teacher makes an announcement. She tells the class that I had been sick, had surgery, and had been in the hospital. She then proceeds to ask the class to donate items for a care package for me. Now this was a nice gesture and the woman who had the idea was very kind, but there was just one problem. I was in the room.

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She obviously didn’t know what I looked like or who I was, because I was there. Mortified and wishing I wasn’t, but I was there. Someone told her afterwords that I was in the room and she came up to me and told me how happy she was that I was doing better. She completely ignored how awkward the situation was.

The room was full of around 5o kids who were in my grade, plus all the other teachers. Everyone who knew me or at least knew who I was turned and looked at me as she spoke about “how sad” my situation was. My friends couldn’t stop laughing and I was just siting there unsure of how to respond. AHHHHH!

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Now I think it’s hilarious, and I hope you found it funny too. The funniest part to me is that they never “took up items” for me. All that and nothing came from it. I definitely didn’t want anything and didn’t expect anything, but I found it kinda odd to make such a scene and then do nothing. Oh well, all you can do is laugh!

Lots of Love,

Alyssa