Femme isn’t Feminist?

I’ve seen some wacky ideas on the internet that people try to label as feminism.

One of them is that women “conforming” to wearing feminine clothing is anti-feminist. This is almost comical to me, because feminism is about supporting all genders in any way they want/feel the need to express themselves. Yes, feminism has made it more socially acceptable for women to dress in a more androgynous or masculine manner, but it isn’t a requirement to claim the title.

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I usually dress pretty femininely. I wear makeup when I go out most of the time, and in the past I’ve had long hair. I shave my legs, and get my eye brows waxed.  None of this discredits me practicing intersectional feminism. It’s quite silly to think that clothing would determine your morals and values. On the days I dress more androgynously I’m not any more/less of a feminist than the days I wear a dress.

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When I think of people believing that women must only wear dresses and skirts, I think of the 1950-1960’s. In my Grandparents church they had problems just this month with the choir director not letting people join if they wore pants. She claimed the Bible says it’s evil for women “to wear men’s clothes,” FYI that’s not in the Bible. How crazy right? Luckily even though the other members are also super conservative, they let her go of that position because they all agreed that kind of attitude wasn’t okay.

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Wear whatever you want, and whatever makes you most comfortable. It doesn’t matter your gender, sexuality, weight, height, ethnicity, etc. you can wear anything you want. There are no rules when it comes to clothing, it’s just another form of self-expression. If you want to wear short-shorts and low cut tops, do it! If you want to cover up, and dress conservatively, do that! Other people shouldn’t be dictating what you can and cannot wear.

Be authentically you and don’t apologize,

Alyssa

 

 

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Putting Ourselves in Boxes

The LGBTQ+ community does something I’ve never been able to understand.

We put ourselves in boxes.

Lesbians are categorized into femmes, butch, chapstick, lipstick, soft butch, stone butch, stem, and the list keeps going. Gay guys are also categorized, but by body type, and amount body hair, which is even more confusing to me. From bears and otters to jocks and “clean cut,” to probably a hundred other terms I’ve never heard of. If society is so set on putting us into boxes, then why are we doing it to ourselves?

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“What does she look like?”  Oh you know she’s like a 5.7599 on the butch scale
I don’t think there’s any harm in identifying as a femme or a butch girl, but why does it matter? Gender presentation, is just that, a presentation. You aren’t getting any more information from one of these labels then you can from justing looking at the person. Being a “femme” doesn’t mean you have a certain personality or act a certain way. All it tells someone is that you dress more femininely. So why do we use these words to describe ourselves?

Queer guys classifications confuse me even more. How does someones weight or amount of hair effect their personality? It doesn’t. If we aren’t getting much information from these labels, then why do we use them? Being a “baby gay” and getting thrown into a world of slang and labels can be very confusing. I felt like I need to identify with one of these terms, but I didn’t feel comfortable labeling myself with any of them, and that’s okay. If you feel caught up in the world of labels, just know you don’t have to pick one or even fit into a certain label.

Each of these terms carries stereotypes about the persons character traits, and their general demeanor. The Queer community deals with enough stereotypes from the rest of society, so I just don’t get why we would do it to ourselves. I personally don’t want to have to fight societies ideas of what lesbian is or looks like, along with other queer girls ideas of how I should look or act based of being a more feminine presenting lesbian.

I find these terms unnecessary, and don’t really see their use, but if someone else wants to use them, it doesn’t offend me.  Do you use these terms to describe yourself or your friends? Let me know if you do like these terms, and why they are important to you. I’m open to all sides, and would love to hear your view!

Lots of Love,

Alyssa

It’s Okay to be a Stereotype

It’s okay to be a stereotype.

It’s okay to be a masculine lesbian, who never wants to wear make up and keeps their hair short. It’s okay to be an effeminate gay guy, who paints his nails, and has a high pitched voice.

Being a stereotype doesn’t make you less original or “basic.” If you fit a stereotype for your sexuality or gender that isn’t always a bad thing. There are stereotypes for a reason. However it isn’t okay to put someone in a category based off their gender, sexuality, race, or religion. Don’t let heterosexual people tell you that you’re “too gay” or “too feminine” or “too masculine,” because there is no such thing.

On the contrary it’s okay to not fit stereotypes. If you’re a super feminine gay girl or a super masculine gay guy that’s cool too! The most important thing is to be true to yourself, and live an authentic life. Don’t let others dictate your personality or gender expression because it makes them uncomfortable or doesn’t fit their definitions of what you should be.

I think the most beautiful part about life is that we’re all different, and we should embrace that. We come from different cultures, families, and religions, but the thing that connects everyone is that we’re all human just trying to figure life out.

I’m defiantly more feminine than the stereotypical lesbian. I wear makeup, and on special occasions or to church I’ll wear a dress, but I can have a more masculine side as well. I’m outspoken and opinionated which are traits that aren’t often aligned with women. All my life I’ve been taught by society to be quiet; seen and not heard. That a man’s opinion has more weight than mine, and I should be of service to any male that asks something of me. I was quite young when I decided that the patriarchal life wasn’t for me. I’m going to be as opinionated, and obnoxious as I want, because being anything else would mean I’m not being true to myself.

I think one of the most important things I’ve learned in life is to be me ,without caring about outside opinions. Be who you authentically are, and don’t care about others opinions.

Lots of love,

Alyssa