In January, I read Rupi Kaur’s poetry book, milk and honey and one poem in particular really stuck out to me.
” you are in the habit
on people to
make up for what
you think you lack
who tricked you
was meant to complete you
when the most they can do is complement”
When people are in relationships they often introduce their significant other as their “better half.” Before this poem I had never really contemplated how much society tells us we are lacking something by simply being individuals. We are not whole until we’re in a relationship, and a relationship is something we should always desire.
No one can complete something that is already complete. I like the idea of complementing each other. Your significant other should bring out the best in you; they are not the best thing about you. I feel like younger generations are becoming less interested in being in long term relationships and getting married. Independence has become valued over commitment. From a certain standpoint, I understand that. Co-dependence can be toxic, and it’s important to learn how to exist as an individual.
The line, “co-depending on people to make up for what you think you lack” is so profound to me. We should not look to others to “make-up” for anything, but should instead focus on how we can better ourselves. This definitely goes both ways. I believe people shouldn’t enter into relationships with the mindset that they are going to change their partner. You should accept your partner for who they are, and respect who they are out side of the “us” that you’ve created. You are not the reason they are great. If they were great before you, then they will be great after you.
If you aren’t interested in being in a relationship for any reason, that’s perfectly fine! I find it so odd that the general consensus seems to be that if people aren’t married or at the very least in a long-term relationship by a certain age, then something must be wrong with that person. Having different goals in life is perfectly fine. It’s also fine if you want to be in a relationship, but just haven’t found the right person yet. “Co-depending” on people to try and compensate for the things you hate about yourself is not healthy, nor will it harvest a healthy relationship. In my eyes, it’s much better to be single, then it to settle in an unhappy relationship, hoping the things you don’t like about them will change, and believing you lack something without them.
Have you read any of Rupi Kaur’s work? What do you think of this poem?