The Incompleteness of Being Single

In January, I read Rupi Kaur’s poetry book, milk and honey and one poem in particular really stuck out to me.

” you are in the habit

of co-depending

on people to

make up for what

you think you lack

who tricked you

into believing

another person

was meant to complete you

when the most they can do is complement”

When people are in relationships they often introduce their significant other as their “better half.” Before this poem I had never really contemplated how much society tells us we are lacking something by simply being individuals. We are not whole until we’re in a relationship, and a relationship is something we should always desire.

No one can complete something that is already complete. I like the idea of complementing each other. Your significant other should bring out the best in you; they are not the best thing about you. I feel like younger generations are becoming less interested in being in long term relationships and getting married. Independence has become valued over commitment. From a certain standpoint, I understand that. Co-dependence can be toxic, and it’s important to learn how to exist as an individual.

The line, “co-depending on people to make up for what you think you lack” is so profound to me. We should not look to others to “make-up” for anything, but should instead focus on how we can better ourselves. This definitely goes both ways.  I believe people shouldn’t enter into relationships with the mindset that they are going to change their partner. You should accept your partner for who they are, and respect who they are out side of the “us” that you’ve created. You are not the reason they are great. If they were great before you, then they will be great after you.

If you aren’t interested in being in a relationship for any reason, that’s perfectly fine! I find it so odd that the general consensus seems to be that if people aren’t married or at the very least in a long-term relationship by a certain age, then something must be wrong with that person. Having different goals in life is perfectly fine. It’s also fine if you want to be in a relationship, but just haven’t found the right person yet.  “Co-depending” on people to try and compensate for the things you hate about yourself is not healthy, nor will it harvest a healthy relationship. In my eyes, it’s much better to be single, then it to settle in an unhappy relationship, hoping the things you don’t like about them will change, and believing you lack something without them.

Have you read any of Rupi Kaur’s work? What do you think of this poem?

 

Advertisements

Unconditional

Unconditional love is something that I find hard to wrap my head around.

I don’t think most people truly love each other unconditionally. I wouldn’t fault someone for “conditional love,” it isn’t easy to love someone no matter what they do.

In church we use the phrase “God’s unconditional love” a lot. I believe he is truly the only one who can have unconditional love. In Sunday school over the summer we discussed this subject and we were told to come up with words that we believe unconditional love should be. One of mine was tenacious. I threw it out there not thinking much about it, but now I keep coming back to that word. Love should be tenacious. It should be unwavering and we should persevere through the hardships.

The easy thing to do is give up, except when it’s the hard thing. I don’t believe you should have to have unconditional love for someone who is abusive, and although I’ve never been in that type of situation from what I understand it isn’t always easy to walk away. I have a door-slam mentality when it comes to relationships sometimes. When things begin to go awry and people hurt me I want to get them out of my life as soon as possible. That isn’t the healthy or mature thing to do though. That kind of love is conditional. That love isn’t unwavering or preserving.

I think I have a fascination with unconditional love because it’s so rare. The closest thing to unrestricted love is some parent-child relationships. I say some because there are always those awful parents who kick their kids out for being LGBTQ+, getting pregnant, or are abusive.

Parents who whole-heartedly love their children no matter what are so beautiful to me. I hope I can be that open and loving towards any future children I have. I honestly think my parents would love me no matter what. I have a sibling who has tested that belief time and time again over the past few years and they have continued to stick by their side. As frustrating and painful as it can be, it has taught me a lot of lessons about relationships.

Unconditional love is something I will continue to strive for in all my relationships. Continue to love boldly, whole-heartedly, and unconditionally!

Lots of Love,

Alyssa

 

P.S. The whole time I wrote this, I couldn’t help but sing “Unconditionally” by Katy Perry😉

 

“Unconditional, unconditionally
I will love you unconditionally
There is no fear now
Let go and just be free
I will love you unconditionally

Come just as you are to me
Don’t need apologies
Know that you are worthy
I’ll take your bad days with your good
Walk through the storm I would
I do it all because I love you, I love you”

People Don’t Have to Like You

Like most people I used to care a lot about  what others think about me.

Now not so much.

I want people close to me to like what I’m doing and the choices I make, but at the end of the day only my opinion and God’s opinion of me really matters in my eyes. Being liked is nice, but not everyone is gonna like you. There are quite a few people I don’t care for or don’t want to be around, and it’s okay for someone else not to like me.

Around those I’m not really close to I can be withdrawn and quiet. I’m an introvert, but I’m often loud and animated around people I know well. When I do let my opinionated and sarcastic attitude through some people don’t like it, and that’s okay. There are people who don’t understand sarcasm and think those whose it are just being rude, and others simply don’t like it. People  have permission to not like you, it doesn’t make them a bad person, or mean, their personality just doesn’t mesh well with yours and thats okay.

On the other hand, you don’t have to like everyone you meet. It’s okay to meet someone once and know you won’t be best fiends. Every once in a while you’ll meet someone you don’t care for at first and end of being friends later, but it doesn’t happen very often. I usually know if I’m going to really get along with someone within five minutes of meeting them. I try to continue to give people a chance, but I can be picky when it comes to friends. I get annoyed easily and can be pessimistic. I like to think I just know what I want and don’t want in a friend. I’ve had too many friendships that I was giving more than I was getting or I cared about the person much more than they cared about me, and I don’t want to do that again.

Now when I can tell someone isn’t into being around me, I don’t sweat it. That’s their opinion and I think they’re just missing out. If someone doesn’t like me, I probably wouldn’t like them either. There’s 7.5 billion people on this planet if one doesn’t like you, you’re gonna be okay.

Lots of Love,

Alyssa