What Issues are LGBTQ+ Issues?

If you would have asked me this question a year ago I would have answered,

“Trans rights, LGBTQ+ friendly healthcare, marriage equality, anti-discrimintion laws, ect.”

All those things still stand true, but the Queer community also hits so many intersections that make many more issues “LGBTQ Issues.” All queer people aren’t white, middle class, abled, male, and cis… obviously right? This means the issues that affect ethnic minorities, women, the disabled and chronically ill, religions, those in poverty and the homeless, immigration, and many more are also LGBT issues.

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The LGBT community is made up of people from different backgrounds and we should support the issues that affect everyone in our community. If someone is queer and an issue affects them and other queer people, then it’s a queer issue. You can’t say you’re an ally or fight for queer rights if you don’t fight for all queer peoples rights.

When I strongly support a cause that “doesn’t seem to affect me” in other peoples eyes I remember this is something not a lot of people get. On top of my love for my fellow human beings and wanting nothing but peace and happiness for the world, I can recognize that almost all issues affect the LGBT community. I will not sit by idly while my community is harmed, directly or indirectly.

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With all the ugliness that is going on today, it’s hard to stay up to date on everything and know how to respond. I find myself feeling overwhelmed and not knowing how I can help. All I know is doing nothing is not an option. I will continue to do everything in my power that my health allows me to do to fight for my community and others who’s voice isn’t as loud as mine.

Lots of Love,

Alyssa

 

 

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Fried Gay Tomatoes?

Over the Holidays I watched Fried Green Tomatoes with my sister. I had heard of the movie before, but I had never seen it, and I’ve got to say it is so queer!

Idgie the main character obviously is a lesbian and has a thing for her friend Ruth. It may be cannon, but i’ts there. The whole time we were watching the movie, I kept saying “this movie is so gay!” My sister who had seen the movie before didn’t realize it, but once I pointed it out, she couldn’t stop seeing it either. The sexual tension between the two of them is crazy.

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Maybe I’m just looking too far into it, but I don’t think that’s the case. I’ve never heard anyone talk about this movie having gay characters and that’s crazy to me. The movie was made in 1991, but is set in the 1920’s. From the way they dress Idgie, to her mannerisms and they way she talks, they made her a pretty stereotypical lesbian. She wears button down shirts, slacks and suspenders, while all the other female characters dress overtly feminine.

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Idgie also was friends with black people during a time where it wasn’t considered socially acceptable for white people and black people to be friends. There is a strong prevalence of the KKK in this movie, and Idgie is always fighting them. While this isn’t a direct sign that she’s gay, minorities do tend to stick together, because we can understand some of each others struggles. Maybe I am looking too far into this?

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I think the ultimate deciding fact is the way Idgie looks at Ruth. When Ruth marries Frank Bennett, Idgie is devastated. Also when she figures out Frank is abusing Ruth, she doesn’t hesitate to get Ruth out of there, and take care of her. Idgie takes care of Ruth up until the day she dies, and continues to love her when she’s in her old age and Ruth is gone. This movie really delves into the true meaning of love, and what that looks like.

Their romantic relationship may be played down a bit, but the love they had for each other is undeniable. I did some research to see if I was the only one who thought this, and I’m definitely not alone. So what do you think? Are Idgie and Ruth a couple? Let me know!

-Alyssa

No, I’m Not Pregnant

The irony of being queer and chronically ill is that I’ve been asked by doctors if I could possibly be pregnant… a lot.

Now this is part of their job, and I know they have to do it, but the medical field often seems very unaware of any sexuality other than straight. I don’t believe you should make any assumptions about other people – especially when it comes to gender and sexuality. I’ve been asked straight up, “how do you know you’re not pregnant?” Almost like they’re testing me.

Most of the time doctors or nurses ask if you could possibly be pregnant, because they are going to administer a test or medication that could be harmful to a fetus. It makes sense why they ask and make you take a pregnancy test, but it gets a little redundant. I did infusions every day for a week at an infusion center, and every morning I had to pee in a cup for a pregnancy test. If you saw me yesterday afternoon and saw how sick I was, how in the world could you possibly believe I got pregnant in the short time I was gone?

If I can barely walk down the stairs some days, how in the world do you think I’m having sex? Also I rarely leave my house, so where am I supposed to find someone who wants to have sex with me? At this point it’s pretty comical, but still annoying. I don’t mind peeing in the cup, but paying at times $150 for a pregnancy test that it is literally impossible for to be positive is ridiculous.

One visit to the ER, I had already been there for hours and received medication, and now it was time for me to be discharged. They wouldn’t let me leave until I had a pregnancy test, although if I was pregnant any damage done to the fetus was irreversible at this point. This situation was particularly frustrating because I went to the ER for excruciating period cramps. They were taking a long time to do the test, and when the doctor came in I said,” I think it’s pretty obvious I’m not pregnant. I’m on my period.” And yes I know there are abnormalities where sometimes you are pregnant, but will still get one last period, or something could be wrong and you could be bleeding, but that obviously wasn’t the case. Apparently this made the doctor mad (even though I said it in a joking manner and wasn’t trying to be rude, but whatever) and she said, “you could be having a miscarriage,” and gave me the evil eye. I had an ultra sound of my ovaries and uterus while I was there, so I think it would have been clear if I was pregnant.

For someone who’s never been pregnant I’ve taken a lot of pregnancy tests. But hey, just mark it down as a funny story, I guess.

Lots of Love,

(and an empty womb)

Alyssa

 

The Unknowns of Being Queer

Being a young queer person, there area lot of things I can’t just count on.

I don’t know if I’ll be legally allowed to get married when the time comes.

I don’t know if I’ll be able to adopt kids if I decide I want them.

I don’t know if I’ll be able to afford an IUI or IVF cycle if me or my wife decided we wanted to carry.

We may have these right’s now, but they could be taken away in a instant.

It’s scary to know that basic human right’s can be taken away from you at any moment. The new government that is going into action soon, and it scares the shit out of me. Knowing there have been thousands of gay couples before me that didn’t have these rights and lived happy lives, makes me feel somewhat better, but it’s hard to imagine having them taken away.

My whole life society has taught me I should want to get married, and have kids. For a woman those are supposed to be the most important things, but when those things can be taken away, it’s hard to let yourself desire those things. Getting married and having kids is something I’ve always wanted; Long before I came out, and now even more after.

Thinking about the future and having a wife and kids, makes me so excited. I want to go on vacations, and make breakfast on a Saturday for my family. The legality of certain aspects of that could make obtaining those things difficult, but not impossible. I try my best not to worry too much about those things when nothing bad has yet to happen. Worrying isn’t going to make the situation any better, but it’s not an easy thing to stop doing.

Living in a conservative red state can also be difficult. How are you supposed to find someone to date, when everyone around you seems straight and against your sexuality? Of course their are other LGBTQ+ people in my area, they just aren’t always easy to find. The threat of violence against you is real. I would be very hesitant to show any kind of PDA in public in some areas in Texas. Sometimes safety is more important than happiness.

Taking action and fighting for not only my right’s, but also others is the only thing I can do right now. Trump may be hiring what seems like strictly only homophobic people, but the LGBTQ+ community is resilient. All we can do is fight and make it known that oppression is not okay.

Lots of Love,

Alyssa

Putting Ourselves in Boxes

The LGBTQ+ community does something I’ve never been able to understand.

We put ourselves in boxes.

Lesbians are categorized into femmes, butch, chapstick, lipstick, soft butch, stone butch, stem, and the list keeps going. Gay guys are also categorized, but by body type, and amount body hair, which is even more confusing to me. From bears and otters to jocks and “clean cut,” to probably a hundred other terms I’ve never heard of. If society is so set on putting us into boxes, then why are we doing it to ourselves?

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“What does she look like?”  Oh you know she’s like a 5.7599 on the butch scale
I don’t think there’s any harm in identifying as a femme or a butch girl, but why does it matter? Gender presentation, is just that, a presentation. You aren’t getting any more information from one of these labels then you can from justing looking at the person. Being a “femme” doesn’t mean you have a certain personality or act a certain way. All it tells someone is that you dress more femininely. So why do we use these words to describe ourselves?

Queer guys classifications confuse me even more. How does someones weight or amount of hair effect their personality? It doesn’t. If we aren’t getting much information from these labels, then why do we use them? Being a “baby gay” and getting thrown into a world of slang and labels can be very confusing. I felt like I need to identify with one of these terms, but I didn’t feel comfortable labeling myself with any of them, and that’s okay. If you feel caught up in the world of labels, just know you don’t have to pick one or even fit into a certain label.

Each of these terms carries stereotypes about the persons character traits, and their general demeanor. The Queer community deals with enough stereotypes from the rest of society, so I just don’t get why we would do it to ourselves. I personally don’t want to have to fight societies ideas of what lesbian is or looks like, along with other queer girls ideas of how I should look or act based of being a more feminine presenting lesbian.

I find these terms unnecessary, and don’t really see their use, but if someone else wants to use them, it doesn’t offend me.  Do you use these terms to describe yourself or your friends? Let me know if you do like these terms, and why they are important to you. I’m open to all sides, and would love to hear your view!

Lots of Love,

Alyssa