Right Over Left: A Poem

Hands laying
One on top of the other
Right over left
Fingernails digging into her wrist

That all too familiar feeling
The dread, the sorrow, the anger
Swallowing tears, pinching her wrist
Holding it all together like she always does

The painted smile
The makeup, straightened hair, and stylish outfit
A costume of poise

One breath in, one breath out
Fingernails clawing at her wrist
Praying for numbness
Oh God, when did she start praying for numbness

Commanding the tears not to fall
Digging deeper and deeper into her skin
Pleading silently for the subject to change
Because this girl who seemingly can handle it all
May just crumble if she has to feel those tears run down her cheeks once again

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Fixer: A Poem

I am a fixer

Lay down your pieces

And I will mend you back together

 

I will sew your scraps

with only the faintest seams visible

and you will leave almost as good as new

 

please don’t mind my own patchwork

with its loose threads and sloppy stitching

it’s no representative of what I can do for you

 

Let me restore your soul

Taking your doubts and heartache

Leaving rehabilitation and healing in their places

 

Distract me with your sorrows

So that I may not think about mine

That I have yet to be able to fix

As I am no fixer of my own

Plan Z : A Poem

Plan Z

 

Plans have never worked for me

All the color-coded lists are only figments of control

These pens in my hand have no power

 

Balled up paper on the floor tells my life story

Constantly rewritten

Red pen marks everywhere

 

Mid-Sentence stops because the plan didn’t even make it that far

Before whiteout was needed

Because once again things have changed

 

My hand hurts from re-writing

And each edit makes me feel like I’m losing another part of myself

Plan C felt doable

But that was so long ago

 

Plan Z is less promising

I’ve learned to start writing in pencil

Leaving the page blank feels like giving up

But I’m tired of erasing