Unconditional

Unconditional love is something that I find hard to wrap my head around.

I don’t think most people truly love each other unconditionally. I wouldn’t fault someone for “conditional love,” it isn’t easy to love someone no matter what they do.

In church we use the phrase “God’s unconditional love” a lot. I believe he is truly the only one who can have unconditional love. In Sunday school over the summer we discussed this subject and we were told to come up with words that we believe unconditional love should be. One of mine was tenacious. I threw it out there not thinking much about it, but now I keep coming back to that word. Love should be tenacious. It should be unwavering and we should persevere through the hardships.

The easy thing to do is give up, except when it’s the hard thing. I don’t believe you should have to have unconditional love for someone who is abusive, and although I’ve never been in that type of situation from what I understand it isn’t always easy to walk away. I have a door-slam mentality when it comes to relationships sometimes. When things begin to go awry and people hurt me I want to get them out of my life as soon as possible. That isn’t the healthy or mature thing to do though. That kind of love is conditional. That love isn’t unwavering or preserving.

I think I have a¬†fascination with unconditional love because it’s so rare. The closest thing to unrestricted love is some parent-child relationships. I say some because there are always those awful parents who kick their kids out for being LGBTQ+, getting pregnant, or are abusive.

Parents who whole-heartedly love their children no matter what are so beautiful to me. I hope I can be that open and loving towards any future children I have. I honestly think my parents would love me no matter what. I have a sibling who has tested that belief time and time again over the past few years and they have continued to stick by their side. As frustrating and painful as it can be, it has taught me a lot of lessons about relationships.

Unconditional love is something I will continue to strive for in all my relationships. Continue to love boldly, whole-heartedly, and unconditionally!

Lots of Love,

Alyssa

 

P.S. The whole time I wrote this, I couldn’t help but sing “Unconditionally” by Katy PerryūüėČ

 

“Unconditional, unconditionally
I will love you unconditionally
There is no fear now
Let go and just be free
I will love you unconditionally

Come just as you are to me
Don’t need apologies
Know that you are worthy
I’ll take your bad days with your good
Walk through the storm I would
I do it all because I love you, I love you”

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People Don’t Have to Like You

Like most people I used to care a lot about  what others think about me.

Now not so much.

I want people close to me to like what I’m doing and the choices I make, but at the end of the day only my opinion and God’s opinion of me¬†really matters in my eyes. Being liked is nice, but not everyone is gonna like you. There are quite a few people I don’t care for¬†or don’t want to be around, and it’s okay for someone else not to like me.

Around those¬†I’m not really close to I can be withdrawn and quiet. I’m an introvert, but I’m often¬†loud and animated¬†around people I know well. When I do let my opinionated and sarcastic attitude through some people don’t like it, and that’s okay. There are¬†people who don’t understand¬†sarcasm and think those whose it are just being rude, and others simply don’t like it. People¬†¬†have permission to not like you, it doesn’t make them a bad person, or mean, their personality just doesn’t mesh well with yours and thats okay.

On the other hand, you don’t have to like everyone you meet. It’s okay to meet someone once and know you won’t be best fiends. Every once in a while you’ll meet someone you don’t care for at first and end of being friends later, but it doesn’t happen very often. I usually know if I’m going to really get along with someone within five minutes of meeting them. I try to continue to give people a chance, but I can be picky when it comes to friends. I get annoyed easily and can be pessimistic. I like to think I just know what I want¬†and don’t want in a friend. I’ve had too many friendships that I was giving more than I was getting or I cared about the person much more than they cared about me, and I don’t want to do that again.

Now when I can tell someone isn’t into being around me, I don’t sweat it. That’s their opinion and I think they’re just missing out. If someone doesn’t like me, I probably wouldn’t like them either. There’s 7.5 billion people on this planet if one doesn’t like you, you’re gonna be okay.

Lots of Love,

Alyssa

Political Correctness & Respect

There’s a couple of words/phrases that I hate in the English language and one of those is “political correctness,” ¬†“politically correct,” or¬†“PC culture.” This probably stems from me living Texas¬†and 99.9% of people I’ve heard use this phrase have said it in way that ¬†complains about society moving towards respecting everyone, and mocks the idea of avoiding offensive language. I will never understand why someone would not change the words¬†they use to make others comfortable or to respect them.

I believe in respecting all people. Respect peoples pronouns, and gender, and sexuality, even if you don’t think you “should have to” or don’t believe it’s “real.” (That’s another post¬†in its own.) Don’t use racist and/or derogatory terms to refer to a people group. There is absolutely no reason why you shouldn’t respect others with your words. It seems as black and white to me as not walking up to someone you find unattractive and saying, “hey, you’re ugly.” That is uncalled for and so is being “anti- PC culture,” and continuing to use language that hurts other people.

The biggest argument I have seen against political correctness is that some see it as a¬†form of censorship and is “anti-free speech.” I couldn’t disagree more. Using those kind of excuses only dismisses those who have been discriminated against, and those who are trying respect others and progress in society. I personally ¬†don’t want anyone to call me a dyke or fag just because I’m a lesbian. If another LGBTQIAP+ person I’m close to does it as a joke it’s okay with me because I like that kind of banter and humor, but it you are heterosexual¬†or a stranger, I would be offended. That kind of speech is used to oppress a people group I belong to and I’m not okay with it. Just like I’m not okay with someone using hateful and derogatory¬†¬†words to tyrannize¬†someone else. Freedom of speech does not mean freedom of consequences, and some of those consequences hurt other people,¬†and continue to systematically oppress people groups.

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I also mostly¬†see white people complaining about political correctness. Is your freedom and power in America not enough for you? I’m white, and I’m¬†going¬†to call out other white people and say, how some of you treat your fellow Americans, and fellow human beings is wrong and it needs to stop. Some of it stems from racism, classism, homophobia, transphobia – you name it, but I¬†also think a lot of it stems from laziness. Some straight people are too lazy to learn about pronouns and sexualities that aren’t as common. Some white people refuse to stop using racist terms, or supporting organizations with racist names and values because, “back in my day nobody cared; everyone now is too sensitive,” and they have used them for so long it has become a part of their daily vocabulary.Tom Toles Editorial Cartoon
I don’t agree that people are too sensitive now. We are moving towards a culture that has greater respect for one another – even though we are from that kind of society. I watched a great video on political correctness and respect awhile ago that inspired this post. In that video Franchesca Ramsey describes political correctness as, “Avoiding words that exclude, marginalize, or insult people who are socially disadvantaged or discriminated against.” I love that definition, and I think it hits the nail on the head. Personally I want to love, respect, and empower everyone around me. I want all people to feel special and worthy no matter what society tells.

I have used the word respect a lot in this post, because that’s what I believe this boils down to. Respect. If you truly loved and respected¬†others, you would take the time to better yourself and learn the kind of language to avoid. One ¬†bible verse I like is Proverbs¬†2o:27, ” A person’s words are the lamp of the Lord that sheds light on one’s inmost being” Essentially we should use our words to respect others and show not only God’s love, but also what our hearts look like. Even if you aren’t religious, good morals preach to show your love and to be “pretty on the inside.” Treat others with love and dignity, when speaking to them or about them. Celebrate diversity, while respecting those who are discriminated against, and validate their hardships.

Lots of Love,

Alyssa

Reproductive Rights & Ohio Abortion Laws

If you haven’t heard Ohio has proposed a bill to ban abortion after a heart beat is able to be detected, which is normally around 6 weeks. At six weeks most people don’t even know they’re pregnant, especially if they weren’t trying to get pregnant. Governor Kasich vetoed that bill, and has instead passed a bill banning abortion after 20 weeks, and charging anyone who performs an abortion after 20 weeks with a fourth degree felony.

Abortion is a touchy subject, and it is one that my opinion has changed on over the years. I used to believe that it was only okay to get an abortion if you were a victim of rape or incest, but I realized that women shouldn’t be revoked of their reproductive rights until something horrific happens. I also believe being pro-choice doesn’t equal pro-abortion. Being pro-choice for me means that I want women to have complete control over their bodies and the right to make those hard decisions if they see it in their best interest. I’m gay, so I’m probably never going to experience accidentally getting pregnant, but I want the right to have control over my body, if something did happen.

The majority of women who get abortions have other kids, or are below the poverty line, so the problem isn’t really teenage girls being irresponsible and not using protection. The problem is with men putting pressure on women to have unprotected sex, when the women know they can’t handle a (another) child or don’t want one. Many people get abortions because they know they can’t afford a child, when they are barely making ends meet as is. People who get abortions aren’t monsters like the media so often makes them out to be. They’re scared women who are having to make a difficult choice, and if you can’t see that, then you don’t have much compassion in your heart.

With this bill, you can still get abortions after 20 weeks if the mothers life is in danger, or the fetus is pronounced “unviable.” The thing is though, that the vast majority of fetuses aren’t even viable until 24 weeks, so the “viability rule” doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.  Why should a woman’s life be in danger for her to make decisions over her own body?

There are many situations when someone may get an abortion well into their second trimester. The father of the baby may leave the mother, or one of the parents looses their job and they know that they can’t afford a child.

I don’t believe abortion should be used as birth control; thats we have many different contraceptive options. Ever since abortions became legal in America the number of abortions has been lowering every year. This lowers as women are able to get an education, get jobs, and have reasonably priced birth control available to them.

With Donald Trump being inaugurated in January, places like Planned Parenthood are in danger. Even if you are “pro-life,” being anti-Planned Parenthood isn’t a logical choice. Only a small portion of what they do is abortions. The majority of what they do is STI screening, mammograms, counseling, and helping people pay for their birth control. If birth control was more widely available at a reasonable price – or even free, then I believe abortion rates would lower. If you ban abortion or make it hard to get one, people aren’t going to stop getting abortions, they will just get them in an unsafe manner, in back allies like women used to. Banning abortion also won’t stop young people from having sex, and neither will abstinence only sex education.

I’m happy Kasich vetoed the bill, but having any laws restricting reproductive rights is a loss in my book. Tell me your opinion below; I’m always open to views that oppose mine, as long as you keep it respectful.