Having a Political Identity

Once you come out as being part of the LGBTQIA+ community, society labels your sexuality as “political.”

Part of this is because sexuality and gender have always been seen as a political issues. Getting married, having children, going to the bathroom, and even just existing in public are political fights we’ve had over and over, and continue to have. We’ve been labeled “other” and our rights are not a given like our heterosexual and cisgender counterparts. Our rights are debated on stages and we’re often thought of as an issue on a ballot rather than human beings by homophobic and transphobic law makers.

Not long after coming out I remember having an a-ha moment. “People hate me because of my sexuality and I am now considered a minority.” In my privileged white-suburban-Christian-girl world, this took my brain for a tale-spin. I had never been hated for just existing before, and it didn’t feel good. The other thing that set in, especially after the 2016 election, was that my right’s could be taken away at any time no matter how unconstitutional or morally wrong that is.

Due to these reasons and a million more, I embrace society viewing my sexuality as political. I believe being an out LGBTQIA+ person is a form of resistance. While being LGBTQIA+ isn’t a choice, being out is (Most of the time.) I feel pride in actively resisting our cultures standards and beliefs by simply existing. Personally I live in a largely republican area in Texas, so I feel an even greater urge to exist as my queer self. I needed to see other people who were LGBTQIA+ just living life when I was younger, and now I want to be that for someone else. It truly humanizes the experience to see other queer people in public enjoying life and being care-free.

I no longer have the privilege of not being actively engaged in politics. Between being gay, being a woman, and being disabled, someones always trying to take away my rights. So I will continue to embrace my “political identity” and practice acts of queer resistance.

How do you practice queer resistance?

What do you think about having your identity politicized?

 

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Should Non-Binary People Identify as Gay?

It’s come to my attention that some people don’t think those who are non-binary should identify as gay or a lesbian because their gender doesn’t conform to traditional definitions of male and female, but I couldn’t disagree more.

Labels are a very personal thing and I don’t think we should tell one another how to label themselves. If someone who once identified as a lesbian now realizes they’re non-binary and feels like the gay/lesbian label invalidates their experience as someone who is non-binary, then by all means they should use another label. If they have taken comfort in a specific label and want to continue to use it, then they should. LGBTQ+ people have been challenging the ideas and traditional roles of gender since the beginning of time, especially lesbians. I saw something on Tumblr ( aka home of all lesbians) that I really agreed with, but unfortunately can’t find the post.

Essentially the idea was that lesbians have always challenged gender stereotypes and roles, even before there was language to describe the experience of being non-binary. Policing someone else’s identity and telling them what they can and cannot identify as is not okay and goes against Queer history and what many people have fought for. Not to mention it’s transphobic to try and keep non-binary people out of gay/lesbian spaces.

Everyone defines their sexuality differently. Even the “most common” sexualities are defined differently by different people. Just because you’re gay doesn’t mean you get to police other’s identities within the LGBTQ+ community. You don’t get to decide if they’re gay enough or not. We’ve all had someone question our identities at one point, so why do we do it to one another?

We should be lifting up one another, instead of trying to make sexuality an exclusive club.

 

 

The Domestic Life and Me

I have no interest in “being domestic.”

I don’t want to be a stay at home mom.

And I think cooking and cleaning all day sounds incredibly boring.

I have major respect for all stay at home parents; it’s just not something I want to do. My whole life I’ve been taught by society that being a mom is all I should want. But it’s not. I would much rather have a successful career than be a mom, but in a perfect world I’d like to have both.

Growing up my mom worked part time, so she was able to drop us off at school and pick us up. Now she works full time, but I’m the youngest in the family, and since I dropped out, there is no school to go to. She was the perfect “working mom,” she was unfailingly there for us, but still was able to make money. My dad has always been the main “bread-winner,” but my mom has always contributed financially. I know in some situations it makes more sense economically for one parent to stay home, or someone people just want to, but if I had my way, my future wife and I would both contribute financially to our family.

My Grandmother was a stay at home mom and it’s all she ever wanted in life. My grandfather is a preacher and they carry out very stereotypical roles in their marriage. She asks me if I have boyfriend every time I visit (jokes on her, right?) and likes to tell me the story of how three guys proposed to her before she graduated high school. I’m glad she got to live out the dream life she wanted, but over the years it’s become abundantly clear that is the last thing I want. Her house is always clean, and she loves doing typical domestic duties. I couldn’t imagine anything more boring, but maybe that has something to do with me being seventeen and having a need for adventure.

The idea of not working makes me uncomfortable. Maybe it’s because I’m currently not going to school or working and I hate it. But when I’m in a situation where I can work or go to school, I will. I don’t like the idea of completely depending on someone else when I’m an adult. Yes, there are tons of situations where you have to (you’re disabled, chronically ill, or can’t find job) but I’m hoping I won’t be sick for all my adult life.

I want to go to college and then possibly grad or law school. It doesn’t make since to me to drop thousands of dollars on an education only to stay home all day. My older sister is in college, and goes to school thats known for “ring before spring” mentality, and “housewife degrees.” Now these terms are harsh, but tend to be true in a lot of situations. If you don’t  know, “ring before spring” refers to girls trying to get engaged before the spring semester of their senior year in college, so they can get married right away and never have to work. It’s a messed up concept, and not everyone who gets engaged while in college is like this, but here in the south it happens a lot. A “housewife degree” is something like a psychology degree without getting a masters, or interior design at a university that isn’t an art school. Basically it’s an easy degree that won’t be much use.

I’m not a fan of these terms because they’re harsh and not always accurate, but becoming one of “those girls” has always been something I’ve been afraid of. The whole me being gay thing definitely changes things. There isn’t as much pressure to get married for financial security when you aren’t bound by outdated gender roles.

I do want kids and I like to cook occasionally, but the white picket fence life isn’t for me. I’d rather have the “trendy condo in the middle of downtown Seattle or San Fransisco” kinda life. Do you want to be a stay at home mom? Are you a stay at home mom? Let me know how you feel!

Lots of Love,

Alyssa

P.S.- Thank you to everyone who reads! I hit 50 followers and that is crazy! I started doing this as an outlet for my feelings and thoughts and the fact that anyone reads really brightens my day and brings me joy.