The Unknowns of Being Queer

Being a young queer person, there area lot of things I can’t just count on.

I don’t know if I’ll be legally allowed to get married when the time comes.

I don’t know if I’ll be able to adopt kids if I decide I want them.

I don’t know if I’ll be able to afford an IUI or IVF cycle if me or my wife decided we wanted to carry.

We may have these right’s now, but they could be taken away in a instant.

It’s scary to know that basic human right’s can be taken away from you at any moment. The new government that is going into action soon, and it scares the shit out of me. Knowing there have been thousands of gay couples before me that didn’t have these rights and lived happy lives, makes me feel somewhat better, but it’s hard to imagine having them taken away.

My whole life society has taught me I should want to get married, and have kids. For a woman those are supposed to be the most important things, but when those things can be taken away, it’s hard to let yourself desire those things. Getting married and having kids is something I’ve always wanted; Long before I came out, and now even more after.

Thinking about the future and having a wife and kids, makes me so excited. I want to go on vacations, and make breakfast on a Saturday for my family. The legality of certain aspects of that could make obtaining those things difficult, but not impossible. I try my best not to worry too much about those things when nothing bad has yet to happen. Worrying isn’t going to make the situation any better, but it’s not an easy thing to stop doing.

Living in a conservative red state can also be difficult. How are you supposed to find someone to date, when everyone around you seems straight and against your sexuality? Of course their are other LGBTQ+ people in my area, they just aren’t always easy to find. The threat of violence against you is real. I would be very hesitant to show any kind of PDA in public in some areas in Texas. Sometimes safety is more important than happiness.

Taking action and fighting for not only my right’s, but also others is the only thing I can do right now. Trump may be hiring what seems like strictly only homophobic people, but the LGBTQ+ community is resilient. All we can do is fight and make it known that oppression is not okay.

Lots of Love,

Alyssa

Advertisements

The Domestic Life and Me

I have no interest in “being domestic.”

I don’t want to be a stay at home mom.

And I think cooking and cleaning all day sounds incredibly boring.

I have major respect for all stay at home parents; it’s just not something I want to do. My whole life I’ve been taught by society that being a mom is all I should want. But it’s not. I would much rather have a successful career than be a mom, but in a perfect world I’d like to have both.

Growing up my mom worked part time, so she was able to drop us off at school and pick us up. Now she works full time, but I’m the youngest in the family, and since I dropped out, there is no school to go to. She was the perfect “working mom,” she was unfailingly there for us, but still was able to make money. My dad has always been the main “bread-winner,” but my mom has always contributed financially. I know in some situations it makes more sense economically for one parent to stay home, or someone people just want to, but if I had my way, my future wife and I would both contribute financially to our family.

My Grandmother was a stay at home mom and it’s all she ever wanted in life. My grandfather is a preacher and they carry out very stereotypical roles in their marriage. She asks me if I have boyfriend every time I visit (jokes on her, right?) and likes to tell me the story of how three guys proposed to her before she graduated high school. I’m glad she got to live out the dream life she wanted, but over the years it’s become abundantly clear that is the last thing I want. Her house is always clean, and she loves doing typical domestic duties. I couldn’t imagine anything more boring, but maybe that has something to do with me being seventeen and having a need for adventure.

The idea of not working makes me uncomfortable. Maybe it’s because I’m currently not going to school or working and I hate it. But when I’m in a situation where I can work or go to school, I will. I don’t like the idea of completely depending on someone else when I’m an adult. Yes, there are tons of situations where you have to (you’re disabled, chronically ill, or can’t find job) but I’m hoping I won’t be sick for all my adult life.

I want to go to college and then possibly grad or law school. It doesn’t make since to me to drop thousands of dollars on an education only to stay home all day. My older sister is in college, and goes to school thats known for “ring before spring” mentality, and “housewife degrees.” Now these terms are harsh, but tend to be true in a lot of situations. If you don’t  know, “ring before spring” refers to girls trying to get engaged before the spring semester of their senior year in college, so they can get married right away and never have to work. It’s a messed up concept, and not everyone who gets engaged while in college is like this, but here in the south it happens a lot. A “housewife degree” is something like a psychology degree without getting a masters, or interior design at a university that isn’t an art school. Basically it’s an easy degree that won’t be much use.

I’m not a fan of these terms because they’re harsh and not always accurate, but becoming one of “those girls” has always been something I’ve been afraid of. The whole me being gay thing definitely changes things. There isn’t as much pressure to get married for financial security when you aren’t bound by outdated gender roles.

I do want kids and I like to cook occasionally, but the white picket fence life isn’t for me. I’d rather have the “trendy condo in the middle of downtown Seattle or San Fransisco” kinda life. Do you want to be a stay at home mom? Are you a stay at home mom? Let me know how you feel!

Lots of Love,

Alyssa

P.S.- Thank you to everyone who reads! I hit 50 followers and that is crazy! I started doing this as an outlet for my feelings and thoughts and the fact that anyone reads really brightens my day and brings me joy.