You’re So Brave

Everyone goes through crappy situations that they can’t control. Some people have had to deal with abuse, others parents getting divorced, and if you’re like me you’ve spent a decent portion of your life being chronically ill. People often tell me, “wow I could never do that”  in reference to my health problems. Honestly, six years ago I would have said the same thing.

I am not brave, nor a “warrior” because I am chronically ill. It’s a bad situation that cannot be fixed. How do I deal with it? I just do. There is no alternative, my only option is to deal with it. I do not feel like I need praise for simply living the life I was given. Humans can handle much more than we think we can. There are a lot of situations that I feel as if I could not handle, yet I know logically, if I was put into them I could make it through. (I also want to mention that some people cannot handle being chronically ill, and it truly is an issue in our community but I’m going to talk about that in another post)

Life isn’t easy a lot of the time, and chronic illness forces you to do a lot of persevering. Living my life as a disabled person does not make me brave, in and of itself. When people say this to me, I hear the under tone of, “You’re life seems so hard, I wouldn’t want to do it.” Sure, some aspects of my life are difficult and sad and sometimes even heartbreaking, but there are so many joyous and positive experiences to be had. Being able to live as a disabled person is a blessing in many ways, and has taught me so much about life and the human experience. I am not brave simply because I am disabled, I am brave because I dare to live a fulfilling life as a disabled person, when society tells me that is impossible.

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No I Don’t Care That You Know Other Queer People

“By the way my coworker’s best friend’s sister is gay.”

“… oh, um that’s cool.”

This is a conversation that takes place constantly. If someone knows I’m gay, they always love to tell me when they meet other queer people; as if we’re unicorns. Don’t get me wrong, there are nothing but good intentions behind it, it’s just a little weird. Would you tell me if you met another woman, or some else who had blue eyes? Probably not.

This is different from the typical, “oh you’re gay, do you know my friend Sam, he’s gay too?” situation. People don’t think you know them, they just want to let you know they know other queer people. My older sister is the main culprit of this in my life. She lives in a major city, so of course she knows/is friends with/ runs into a lot of queer people, and she lets me know. Every. Single. Time. Maybe I’m a huge jerk for not caring, but honestly it’s just not that interesting to me. I consume a lot of queer media, so I constantly see other LGBTQIA+ people. Plus, I’m in college, so I see a decent amount of visibly queer people in my day to day life.

Being able to see visibly queer people is so so important, and I do get excited when I see other people people just living their normal lives. I feel a sense of familiarity and kinship with other people in the LGBTQIA+ community. Someone telling me about how their barista is gay though, isn’t really something I care to know. What is the correct response to “Oh! I was meaning to tell you my waiter the other day is gay.” ? Do you want me to jump up and down and beg you for more details? I usually go with, “that’s cool” or “oh wow” which both come out sounding incredibly unenthusiastic, no matter how much I try and pretend to care.

I never confront anyone about this, because I know they are just trying to be nice. It in no way makes me mad, or even annoyed, I just find it incredibly odd and kinda funny. Does this happen to you? If so, how do you respond? I feel like this definitely isn’t just something I deal with!

 

Goals for 2018

Last year I made some goals for 2017, and I thought I would do it again this year! I have gone back to that post many times though out this year, and it has motivated me to continue to keep on track with my goals. Here are five goals I have for 2018:

  1. Keep My Grades Up

This past semester was my first semester in college, and I’ve been working incredibly hard. Luckily, that hard work has payed off and I finished the semester strong. My goal for the spring semester is to maintain my GPA. Being able to do well in school, after having so much trouble with school due to my health for the past five-ish years feels amazing. I’m definitely an overachiever and so getting good grades feels incredibly rewarding!

2. Transfer Colleges

I’m currently living at home and going to community college, but I’m hoping to transfer to a University in the Fall 2018 semester. This goal kinda ties in with goal #1. I need to get good grades and work on my application in order to get into my dream school. I have good back-up options, since the University I want to go to is pretty hard to get into (my older sister was rejected), but I’m hoping my grades will be good enough for me to get accepted!

3. Get my Pharmacy Tech License

Currently I’m planning on going into the medical field, and I want to obtain a Pharmacy Tech license in order to get some experience in the field. I also think this will look good on my college applications. I’ve never had a job (due to my age and health), so I think it’d be super rewarding if I was able to get my license while working. I’m hoping to do on the job training at a local pharmacy that lets you work while you train.

4. Be more involved in my community

I think activism and volunteering are so so important, especially right now. I’m applying to volunteer for a political  campaign, and to volunteer at my local hospital. Between both of these things, and opportunities at church, I’m hoping to be more involved in my community.

5. Continue Blogging!

I’ve been blogging for a year now, and I can’t wait to blog more. It’s been difficult to keep up the blogging with school, but I’ve still been able to post some. I’m going to try and make time to read more of the blogs I follow on a regular basis, and post more.

 

What are your goals for 2018? What do you hope happens for you in 2018? I hope everyone is enjoying celebrating the Holidays, and reflecting on the past year!

Lots of Love,

Alyssa

 

Books I Read in 2017

Reading was always one of my favorite things to do as a child. My mom is an avid reader, and when I was little I always wanted to be able to read as much and as fast as she did. When I started getting migraines, I stopped reading for fun because it was no longer fun. I’ve been very fortunate to have a relatively small number of migraines this year, and I was able to get back to reading. In 2017, I read 17 books, which was a humorous coincidence. I know many people read 17 books in one month, but I feel like for someone getting back into reading after taking a few years off, it’s pretty good. Here’s what I read in 2017 in the order I read them:

  1. Scrappy Little Nobody By: Anna Kendrick
  2. I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings By: Maya Angelou
  3. The Difference Between You and Me By: Madeleine George
  4. A Tree Grows in Brooklynn By: Betty Smith
  5. Been Here All Along By: Sandy Hall
  6. More Happy Than Not By: Adam Silvera
  7. Lies My Girlfriend Told Me By: Julie Anne Peters
  8. The Summer I Wasn’t Me By: Jessica Verdi
  9. Vanished By: E.E. Cooper
  10. Pretend You Love Me By: Julie Anne Peters
  11. Our Own Private Universe By: Robin Talley
  12. Georgia Peaches and Other Forbidden Fruit By: Jaye Robbin Brown
  13. History is All You Left Me By: Adam Silvera
  14. Take This Man By: Brando Skyhorse
  15. Bad Feminist By: Roxane Gay
  16. They Both Die At The End By: Adam Silvera
  17. Dress Codes For Small Towns By: Courtney Stevens

 

I feel in love with queer YA fiction, and have made it my mission to read as many as I possibly can in 2018. The discovery of Adam Silvera, has also been amazing. Both History is All You Left Me and They Both Die at the End quickly became some of my favorite books of all time. The Difference Between You and Me, will always have a special place in my heart, as it is the first queer book I had ever read. My personal goal for this year was to read 12 books, one a month, but I never wanted it to feel like a chore. Luckily, it didn’t, and I was even able to surpass that goal. In 2018, my goal is to read AT LEAST 24 books, or two a month.

What was your favorite book you read this year / What is your favorite book in general?

I’d love to hear any recommendations!

Should Non-Queer People Play Queer Characters?

There’s nothing more disappointing to me than enjoying a queer character in a show, looking up the actor, and finding out they aren’t a part of the LGBTQIA+ community at all. It’s not like there’s a shortage of talented queer actors; Hollywood just doesn’t cast them. With over 10% of the population being LGBTQIA+ in some capacity, there’s definitely a plethora of talented queer actors, probably even some that identify the same way as their character does.

Representation is incredibly important for every minority group. While there’s been more LGBTQIA+ representation in the media in 2017 than ever before, we still have a lot of progress that needs to be made. It would be ridiculous and wrong for someone to play a black character if they weren’t black, so why do we treat sexuality and gender that way? Sure, some non-queer actors do a pretty damn good job playing queer characters, but they just don’t have the experience. They don’t know the struggle, and it really shows when they do interviews about their show/movie. As much as I think we really need to support queer media as a whole, I would rather support queer artists making LGBTQIA+ content.

As a young queer person, I often find myself finding other LGBTQIA+ identifying people, mainly queer women, to look up to. I really needed solid representation when I was figuring everything out, and straight women playing lesbians on TV just wasn’t what I wanted or needed. I also have a problem with the specific type of cis-straight-heteroromantic people that are casted. They are almost always white, able-bodied, and financially privileged. The real LGBTQIA+ community is diverse in every sense of the word. Hot white gays are not the majority, and their stories are not the most important ones to be told. Queer people of color, and disabled queer people’s stories and accomplishments are constantly being erased.

The history behind the character is important. People who are figuring out their gender and/or sexuality need to see queer people living “normal” lives. Straight-Cis-Heteroromantic actors just can’t possibly convey that, or be that representation off the show. Recently, Stephanie Beatriz’s Character Rosa, on the TV show Brooklyn Nine-Nine, came out as bisexual. The only thing that’s cooler than Hollywood actually letting someone say the word “bisexual” on TV, is that Stephanie is bisexual. She is a perfect example of good queer representation. I wish we saw this more often.

Do you think non-queer people should play queer characters? Who are some of your favorite LGBTQIA+ actors?

Independence and Chronic Illness

Disability often requires some of our independence to be given up. Personally, my independence has waxed and waned over the years continuously. While it’s nice to have periods of time where I’m capable of being very independent, it can be incredibly hard to have to relinquish some of that independence when my condition worsens. I was watching Jessica Kellgren-Fozard’s video about her personal relationship with independence and being chronically ill, and it made me think about my relationship with independence. I highly suggest watching the video, and subscribing to her. She is a disabled lesbian, from England where she resides with her wife and adorable dog.

At times, independence for me can mean being able to do my laundry or cook a meal. It may sound so simple, but these are the things so many people take for granted. Currently, independence for me means driving myself to school, and going to my classes. I still live with my parents, so some of my independence is relinquished to them; They cook most of the time, and they pay the bills (thank god). There’s meaningful independence is everyday activities, like doing the dishes or folding the laundry, that many able-bodied people fail to recognize.

My independence can fluctuate day to day, and even hour to hour. One day I can drive myself everywhere I need to go, and the next day I can barely take out the trash. This concept of ability changing on an hourly basis is something able-bodied people tend to struggle with. In their world, you’re either completely incapacitated or completely fine. I live the vast majority of my life in the in-between stages, which can make things complicated. It can also be difficult for my parents. They believe they know how I’m feeling by looking at me, but they’re often wrong. I get a certain look in my face when I feel like I’m going to pass out or vomit, but I can feel awful without the specific look. Sometimes I’ll say I’m feeling terrible, but because I “look fine” they ask me to do something immediately like feed the dogs or unload the dishwasher. It becomes frustrating when you want to help, but also just explicitly stated you aren’t doing well in the moment. Being the obedient child I am, I force myself to do what is asked of me even when it makes me feel worse.

I want to be able to help my parents whenever they ask, but it just isn’t a realistic “want”  sometimes. Learning to relinquish some of your independence to other people can be difficult. I’m someone who likes to be in control, and likes to be as independent as possible. Being chronically ill has taught me, that there’s strength in vulnerability. Knowing when to ask for assistance is a necessary part of being disabled, but it can feel demoralizing. It is however, a choice to relinquish that independence, which makes asking for help less patronizing to me. There’s so much strength in admitting you need assistance.

We live in a society that worships independence to an unhealthy level. No person, disabled or not, can do everything by themselves 100% of the time. You’re life’s worth shouldn’t rely on whether or not you can drive a car, or wash your own hair. All levels of independence are beautiful and should be celebrated. Relinquishing some of your independence does not make you weak, but instead shows an incredible strength.

Happy Birthday Queerly Texan!

Today, December 12th, 2017 Queerly Texan turns one year old!

I can’t believe I’ve been blogging for a whole year now! When I started this blog last December, I thought I would post for a couple of weeks, maybe months and then stop. This community means so much more to me than I ever knew it could. Having a place to express the trials and tribulations that come with chronic illness has been very cathartic. I’ve also been able to write extensively about LGBTQIA+ rights, and other social justice causes which fills my heart with joy.

In the past year, I’ve posted/re-blogged over 150 posts, gained 275 followers, and have been able to have some amazing conversations with people all over the world. I’m looking forward to seeing where this blog goes, as well meeting new people and having many more conversations. I have never done a Q&A, so in honor of Queerly Texan’s birthday I thought I would do my first one! Feel free to ask me questions down in the comments about anything and everything, and I’ll answer them in a post soon.

Thank you so much for following Queerly Texan, liking, re-blogging, and commenting. I sincerely enjoy each and every comment, and I love talking with ya’ll. There have been many days that reading the comments has lifted my spirits. Here’s to many more years!

Thank you all,

Alyssa