Miniskirt Misogyny

 

When I was in sixth grade we had a “girls only” assembly to talk about dress code. Before this time it had never been explained to me that the reason we have a dress code is so girls “don’t distract the boys” with our bodies. This infuriated me, and still does. Why is their eduction more important than mine? Why are girls pulled out of class for thirty minutes, because a boy may be distracted by their legs or shoulder blades? More importantly, why is it that boys “can’t control themselves” and girls are shamed for them acting pigs?

I am not a sexual object for just existing as a female. The few times I’ve caught guys staring at me, or making inappropriate comments I’ve felt violated. I don’t exist for your pleasure, and I’m not just something pretty to look at. Now my spit fire attitude and just generally being a lesbian has protecting me from the bulk of the suggestive comments or stares that most girls get. I have a major case of resting bitch face, and overall don’t always look “approachable.” Needless say I haven’t experienced this kind of behavior of men often, but I have had friends who’ve dealt with this a lot.

8d9c3e428d12703974aab7befc512444

Clothing is a form of self-expression. High school is supposed to be a time where you began to “find yourself,” but how can you do that if how you dress or color your hair is constantly being policed. If you find it liberating to wear short skirts and low cut tops, then do it. If you prefer to dress conservatively, then wear the clothes that make you feel comfortable. Showing off your body is not a bad thing, and it doesn’t define you as a person.  A woman is either perceived as a prude if she dresses “too conservatively” or a slut if she shows off her body. But yet society teaches young girls that men want women to show off their bodies. So does she show off her body and get called a slut, or cover up and supposedly get ignored by men? You’re damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.

58bc206c476c3aed53bc40eafc0c0416.jpg

Wearing a provocative outfit doesn’t mean a girl is “asking for it.” Assault is assault; it doesn’t matter what the victim is wearing. We need to stop blaming the victims, and start examining the subliminal messages our society sends to us about women’s worth. When a girl tells you she’s been molested or raped, your first response shouldn’t be to ask “what were you wearing”, or “were you drinking?” Consent is necessary in all situations, and clothing does not equal consent.

images-2.jpeg

As much as I which I could still be in high school, I don’t miss the dress code, or the passive aggressive “slut shaming” assemblies. At least I can wear nike shorts and a t-shirt in my own house without being called a whore. I guess chronic illness does have some perks after all. 😉

Lots of Love,

Alyssa

 

 

Advertisements

Isolated

Chronic illness is isolating.

I have spent the majority of the past five years alone, in a dark room. I no longer attend high school, and I don’t talk to any of my old friends. I’m not saying these things for pity, or sympathy; they are just simple facts.

Chronic pain keeps me from doing or enjoying pretty much everything I used to. I got sick during the transitional time from elementary school to middle school, so making new friends became really hard. Now that I’ve started online school, I don’t see anyone from my old high school or talk to them. The only “new places” I’ve been going are doctors offices – so I don’t think I’m gonna find any new friends there, but hey ya never know.

53671812

After a few months/years friends and family get tired of asking me how I am feeling. They assume I’m gonna better, and forget I’m sick. But I don’t forget; I don’t have that luxury. They get tired of hearing me say “I’m in pain” or feel fatigued. They no longer want to know about my doctors visits or hospital stays. I don’t blame them, the never ending cycle of chronic illness is tiring and generally negative. Friends were the first thing I lost. A few close ones stuck around a couple of years, but now they’re gone too. My immediate family is still here for me, but my extended family never asks how I am anymore. I don’t need/want them to make a big deal about it – but it would be nice if they’d ask about me every once in a while.

Being alone almost all the time makes going out in public hard. I’m sensitive to noise, and the world is one big ball of sound. I never had social anxiety before, but now it’s exhausting being around other people. I feel emotionally drained even being around family. I know I’m gonna have to get over this, because I can’t stay in my room at my parents house for the rest of my life. I want to go to college and get a good job. Both of those things are gonna have to involve being around other people on a daily basis. I can have a negative outlook on life, and when a lot of negative things are going on it makes it 10x more difficult to act cheery and positive. .

If you find chronic illness isolating – you’re not alone. I’m here and probably in my pajamas.

Lots of Love,

Alyssa

Growing Up Queer & Coming Out

I wasn’t someone who has known they were gay since they were five. I started questioning my sexuality when I was in middle school, but even then I pushed the thoughts out of my mind, and just “knew I was straight.” Looking back on younger me, I’m giving her the biggest eye roll ever.

I remember the first time I ever heard about gay people. I was watching the TLC show Bringing Home Baby, and I was around 4 or 5 years old. There was a lesbian couple on this episode and one of them was pregnant through IVF. I can vividly remember one woman saying, ” I am so happy I married my best friend.” Immediately a light bulb went off in my head, I can marry a girl? Technically you couldn’t “legally” get married then, but that’s beside the point.  I made a life plan (at five years old) to marry a girl (since all my best friends were girls) if I “couldn’t find” a boy to marry.

09fg5am

Now this should have been a huge alarm going off that I was gay. But even when I thought about it at twelve or thirteen, I made excuses about how “it was normal for little kids to want to marry their best friends.” Fast forward my spring semester of freshman year, and my fall semester of sophomore year, all I could think about was the possibility of being a lesbian. I accepted that I was in fact gay in late summer/early fall of 2015, and then came out to my parents and sister on October 25, 2015.

I knew my parents weren’t going to care, and would love me anyway, but I was terrified. Both my parents are pretty liberal, so I knew I shouldn’t be worried, but we are a very religious family. My dad went to seminary and was a preacher for most of my childhood, and my mom’s father was also a preacher. I had heard so may horror stories of kids getting kicked out because they came out to their religious parents I began to wonder, what if that happens to me?

I felt sick to my stomach every time I would see my parents when I hadn’t come out yet. I wanted to do it really casually, because I don’t think me being gay should be a big deal, but that’s not what happened. I ended up saying to my mom, “I need to tell you something,”  and then sitting there shaking and crying in utter fear for ten minutes before I spoke again. This was exactly how I did not want to do it, but in the long run it doesn’t really matter.

Coming out has made me feel so much more free. It’s only been a little over a year since I told my parents, and i already feel so much more comfortable with myself. The best decision I made when pertaining to telling my parents – or anyone for that matter, was waiting until I had fully executed myself. I think that if I had come out when I was still questioning my sexuality, and didn’t know if I was bisexual or gay or something else, it would have been a lot harder. If I could give someone one piece of advice when coming out as anything, it would be to accept yourself first, and to be open with your feelings. The second part isn’t something that comes naturally to me. I’m someone who keeps most things to myself, but I think when coming out it’s important to be open and honest.

This is my coming out story, in all it’s glory. It may not be that exciting ,or dramatic, or interesting, but it’s a major event in my life. If you’re in the LGBTQIAP+ community let me know what one piece of advice you would give to someone who wants to come out. If you need anything, or just someone to talk to, you can contact me through my contact page, or at the email queerly.texan@gmail.com.

Lots of Love,

Alyssa