National Coming Out Day 2017

Happy National Coming Out Day!

For those who do not know, National Coming Out Day began on October 11th, 1987 when half a million people marched on Washington for LGBT Rights. Since that day, October 11th has been used to celebrate coming out and being out. Many people also use this day to come out for the very first time, or come out to a new person/group.

I remember when national coming out day came around while I was still in the closet. I felt a sense of urgency to do it that day, but got nervous and waited some more. National Coming Out Day is not supposed to pressure anyone to come out when they’re not ready, so if you’re in the closet and don’t feel ready – don’t come out today! This day did give me a little nudge to bit the bullet and tell my parents. I think it was beneficial to me to have national coming out day take place during the time I was deciding when to come out.

Part of me feels like we shouldn’t have to “come out” per se. We should be able to just start seeing someone, or have it come up in conversation. A big dramatic “let’s sit down and cry moment” isn’t always necessary or wanted. If that is your experience, there isn’t anything wrong with that, coming out to my parents was mildly dramatic, but if that’s not the experience you want then it doesn’t have to be that way.

For me, being out is liberating and incredibly important. I always try to be the “out person” that I needed when I was questioning my sexuality. Being out for me can also be very political, especially right now. Having out role models is crucial for people in the closet. It’s also really important for everyone else to see that LGBTQIA+ people are not some far off distant idea, but rather are your neighbors, friends, colleagues, and family members.

I hope everyone has an incredible National Coming Out Day, and is able to celebrate being LGBTQIA+!

Advertisements

Corlanor and Other Frustrations

Last week was the roughest week I’ve had in a while. My migraines have returned, my stomach has continued to be a hot mess, and my heart is becoming a major problem again. What a great mix!

I saw a new electrophysiologist on Friday, and he confirmed my diagnosis of Inappropriate Sinus Tachycardia. I was diagnosed with IST back in February after an electrophysiological study, but due to a terrible experience with that doctor I hadn’t done much about it since then. I’ve tried metoprolol, verapamil, and propanolol to slow my heart rate, but all of them failed to do so and caused side effects. Although I actually really liked this new electrophysiologist, he made big promises; promises he should have never made.

He started me on Corlanor, and told me verbatim this would be a miracle drug. As a skeptic with an asshole for a body I didn’t really believe him, but I was hopeful. I hadn’t done much research on IST, surprisingly since I love to research things, but now I have a million questions, most of which probably don’t have answers. Here are my questions, so if for some reason you have answers or have IST I’d love to hear them!

  1. Is IST a form of Dysautonomia?  The internet is giving me mixed signals
  2. What are other treatment options if beat-blockers, calcium blockers, and corlanor don’t work?
  3. How could this affect my laundry list of symptoms that no one seems to have an answer for?

Unfortunately my body is not liking the corlanor at all. My pulse is all over the place, sometimes “normal” around 75, and other times I’m still very much tachycardic at 120. It has also caused me to become extremely fatigued, hypotensive, and dizzy. Pretty much all day Saturday and Sunday I couldn’t do anything because I was so out of it. I started to get super disoriented (which does happen to me sometimes without medication) and couldn’t formulate sentences or comprehend anything I was trying to read. I’m on the lowest dose of this medication so I don’t think we can make this work.

I decided to stop taking it Sunday night, because I have a busy school week this week and I definitely won’t be able to go to school with all these side effects; It’s also not safe for me to drive when I’m so out of it. As far as I’m aware this is the last option I have to treat the IST, which is incredibly frustrating. I can feel my body progressively getting worse and returning to a dysfunctional state, which really scares me.

So far in the six weeks I’ve been in school I’ve only missed one class and it was for the electrophysiology appointment. I’ve been pushing myself incredibly hard and studying a ton, but if my health gets worse I’m afraid I’ll go back to missing school all the time. I just really don’t want to lose the progress I’ve made or have to leave school again. Maybe I’m thinking about this too much, but it’s really hard not to. We’re going to call the doctor today and see what he says about the side effects; I’m supposed to have a follow up on November 3rd, but it looks like I may need to see him sooner. I also have a gastroenterology appointment on October 18th with a new doctor, so hopefully that will bring some answers for my GI problems.

As for the migraines and daily headaches, I’m not sure I’m ready to go back down that road again. I’m feeling really emotional right now and the lack of control I feel over the situation is getting to me. I know that I can handle this because I’ve done it so many times, but honestly I just really don’t want to feel like like crap all the time and not be able to function. All I can try and do is hope that the electrophysiologist will have some ideas and the gastro appointment will go well.

I hope you all have a good week!

Repost- Let’s Queer Things Up: Toxic Masculinity

I really enjoyed this post from Let’s Queer things up. I think their perspective on toxic masculinity is really interesting, and found this post incredibly insightful. Definitely worth the read!

This community taught me not only what toxic masculinity demands of men and masculine people, but also the possibilities that exist outside of it.

via 4 Things the Queer Folks in My Life Taught Me About Resisting Toxic Masculinity — Let’s Queer Things Up!

Gender and Chronic Illness

Most abled people assume that if you get sick there will be a doctor there full of empathy and ready to save the day – this however is not the narrative of many people who have chronic illnesses.

While I personally have never been straight up told I’m faking it, it’s been implied and stated multiple times that I was being dramatic or “just had anxiety.” I feel like it’s important to note that every time this has happened, it was coming from a man. I came to the realization a long time ago that a lot of medical professionals see me as a teenage girl who’s over dramatic and just wants to get a few days off school. This profiling happens before I open my mouth and once that decision has been made in their mind it is nearly impossible to change it.

Many people who end of being diagnosed with endometriosis or ovarian cysts are told that it’s “just their period” and that they need to learn how to deal with cramps.Women and feminine presenting people are disproportionally targeted when it comes to doctors disbelief of their symptoms. Men and masculine presenting people on the other hand often try to “tough it out” and don’t go to the doctor until long after it’s necessary due to being afraid of not “taking it like a man” ; or they do go to the doctor and the doctor essentially tells them to “man up.” These gender stereotypes are incredibly harmful, especially within the medical world.

Back in February of this year I had an electrophysiology study, and the experience was less than pleasant. After the study I had a reaction to the medication they gave me to speed up my heart rate, and my whole body began to tremor. A rapid response team was called and all of the nurses were visibly concerned, and knew something was wrong. The doctor who came in however, was super nonchalant about everything and left the room while I was still having the tremors.

Later the next morning when my doctor (at the time) came to see me he said he thought I had anxiety and that’s why the whole incident occurred. Obviously that was not the case, and he just didn’t want to figure out what is actually wrong with me. There are two conclusions I’ve drawn from this situation: 1) because I’m a teenage girl he thought I was being dramatic, 2) it was going to take time and testing to figure out what’s wrong with my heart (plus I’m considered a “complicated care”) so my situation would not be easy money for him.

This is just one of many events where men downplayed my symptoms / disability and reduced me to “just an anxious teenage girl.” Not all chronic illnesses are created equally and not all experiences with chronic illness are the same. Gender and Sex can be a huge factor is getting a diagnosis, even when your illness has nothing to do with either of those. Have you ever had a bad medical experience due to your gender? Did gender or sex affect your diagnosis process?

 

When Misogyny Kills

September 10th, 2017 Meredith Hight and seven of her friends were shot and killed in her home by her husband who she was divorcing. She filed for divorce back in July and hadn’t seen him much since. This past month he came to pick up some of his things while Meredith was home. He saw how happy she was and how much she was thriving without him, which led him to murdering her and her friends.

While this particular news story has layers of conflict and multiple issues going on, the thing that really stands out to me is how he decided to kill her after seeing how happy she was without him. It became obvious to him that Meredith didn’t need him, and in fact was doing better on her own and that enraged him.

How dare she live a fulfilling life without a man by her side?

How dare she stand up for herself and speak out against his abuse?

Domestic violence is not the only way the misogyny kills. Systematically our health care in America constantly mistreats and under-diagnoses women’s health issues and belittles them. Rape culture and toxic gender roles can be another way misogyny kills.

In a lot of these situations the combination of hyper-aggressive men, due to toxic masculinity and gender roles, and misogyny is what leads to the actual murder of women. The hyper-aggressive side leads to men feeling angry, entitled to women’s bodies, and makes them controlling as well as manipulative. The misogyny adds to the outrage when women don’t behave according to their standards, and reinforces the feelings of dominance.

Misogyny is not just an inconvenience or something “man hating women” made up.

Misogyny is real and it claims the lives of too many women.

 

Domestic Violence Help:

US: 1-800-799-7233

Canada: 1-877-336-2433

UK: 0808-2000-247

 

 

My First Pride Experience 

This past weekend I went to Pride for the very first time!

On Saturday my sister and I went to the festival which consisted mostly of booths and they had a stage where different people performed. I got to see Alyssa Edwards ( a drag queen from Rupaul’s Drag Race Season 5) perform which was so cool! I’ve been wanting to see a drag performance for a while, but since I’m still a minor there aren’t any places near me that I could go to.

The festival was really fun, and it was cool to see a community of people being so unapologetic while living in a conservative state. We’re lucky that Dallas is one of the more progressive areas of Texas, but the state as a whole is still very conservative. Lots of great organizations like GLAAD, HRC, ACLU, and Equality Texas had booths, as well as some really cool queer owned companies!

Sunday was the parade, which is what I was most excited for. I was planning to just go with my sister, but last minute my parents decided they wanted to go too. To be completely honest I was a little apprehensive about having them come, because as open as they are, there are some things I thought they just wouldn’t understand. However, I was proved wrong and they had a great time!

It was SO hot on Sunday and right before the parade started I got really sick. My stomach began to hurt, my heart started racing, and I got that impending sense of doom that let me know I was going to pass out. Luckily there was a Walgreens just right there so I was able to stumble in and sit in the air conditioning for a few minutes, and got some Gatorade to try and bounce back. In around fifteen minutes I felt sooo much better and was able to enjoy the parade. It’s crazy how quickly things turn South for my body and how quickly they can bounce back!

Although a lot of the parade floats were catered more to gay and lesbian people, most of them celebrated the community as a whole. I saw a ton of trans pride stuff, and a decent amount of asexual pride stuff as well. Hopefully in the future Pride will become even more diverse, because everyone deserves to proud of who they are, especially when they aren’t one of the more well-known genders or sexualities.

I can’t wait to go to many more Pride events in the future. Next Pride I’ll be old enough to participate in a lot more, so that’s exciting. I feel so incredibly lucky to have such a supportive family. Maybe next year I’ll even have a good friend group I can go with!

Did you go to Pride? What was your first Pride experience like?

 

Being Successful in School while Chronically Ill

School and chronic illness are two things that do not mix well. From the constant absences, and annoyed teachers, to the  piles of make-up work the whole experience can be really difficult, and quite overwhelming. The majority of the time I’ve been chronically ill (roughly 5 1/2 years) I’ve also been in school. Here are some of the things I do to try and be successful in school:

  1. Organize Everything

Having a planner or agenda is important for anyone in school, but is essential for those who are chronically ill. Having to keep up with regular due dates, make-up due dates, and study hall times can be overwhelming. If you have brain fog like I do, it’s also easy to forget things, so writing everything down is important. It also helps you prioritize certain things in your work load.

2. Email Your Teachers

Inevitably some teachers aren’t going to like you if you’re absent all the time. It causes them to have to do more work and they feel like you’re a nuisance. Emailing all of your teachers when your absent helps show initiative and helps you get school work even when you’re not there. I also find that telling them when you’re in the hospital is important so that they know you’re definitely not going to be in class for a few days. Keeping everyone is the loop is the best to make sure you’re not falling too far behind.

3. Push Yourself…

There will be days that are ROUGH. You know you have an exam, a quiz, and a group project presentation that day but your body is rebelling. Sometimes when it feels impossible, you actually can do it. It will suck, it will be painful, but it is possible. You probably won’t have a good day, but you tried as hard as you could.

4. … but not too far

There will also be days that it is impossible. Do not ignore big warning signs from your body just to make it to class for a test. Do not send your body into a huge fit (well a bigger fir than it already is) because of the inner and outer pressure to conform to societies ideas of “successful.” A fulfilling life does not have to include a formal education or a long career. Also missing a few days of school will not keep you from getting the things you want. Will it make it harder? Sure. Will it take longer? Probably. Doing what’s best for your body is the most important thing.

5. Take Advantage of Disability Services

There is no shame in asking for help. Although it will never be an equal playing field between you and your peers due to your chronic illness, disability services can help tremendously. They help especially when it comes to absence policies and dealing with teachers who don’t understand your situation. You have rights and your school cannot infringe upon them just because they want more money from the state. **

 

These are my five tips for being successful in school while chronically ill. Do you have any tips for other students with chronic illness? Let me know!

 

 

** Schools often have a 90% rule where you have to be there 90% of the time and if you aren’t you have to do make-up hours. They want you to be there that much because for every student that makes it to school 90% of the time they get a certain amount of money. Not only is it ableist to force students to stay before and after school if they are absent due to illness, it is also illegal.