Ever since I was little, I have always been an incredibly decisive person. While my brother agonized for an hour over which video game to buy , and my mom became impatient in the Game Stop, I knew exactly what I wanted. I knew what I liked and didn’t, what I wanted and did not want, and more than anything else, I knew who I wanted to be and who I did not want to be. I am still very much this person today, but when it comes to the age old question of , “what are you going to do with the rest of your life?” I find it incredibly hard to answer.
I have spent the last year as a biology major at a liberal arts college, planning to either go into medicine or nursing. I love all things medical, and have a curious mind for how the body works. However, the more and more I contemplate the logistics of it, I do not think it is going to work. My chronic illnesses are not conducive with the physical demands of these jobs. Honestly, that is an incredibly hard thing to accept. We are so often fed this narrative that disabled people need to “overcome” their disability and never let it “keep them” from doing what they want to do. While these ideas can come from a good place, they are incredibly toxic and fail to recognize that you cannot just turn disability off because you want something bad enough. I cannot yearn for normalcy and simply receive it.
Through high school, and my experience thus far in college, I have kept hoping that my illnesses would improve. After having the majority of my diagnoses for over a year now, I know that the possibility that I will improve to the point of being able to have a physically demanding job is slim with the current treatment options that are available. This does not mean things will never improve, but they would need to improve by miraculous standards in order for me to be successful at job like these. I have chronicled my trouble with this some here on Queerly Texan, and have mentioned that I applied to my dream school for their nursing program. Last week I found out that while I was rejected from their nursing program (with an abysmal acceptance rate for external nursing transfers) I was accepted into my second choice major: health and society.
It’s still a little surreal that I was able to be accepted into one of the best universities in the country. Going to the University of Texas has been my dream since I was really young. I love Austin as a city, and I cannot believe I am going to have the opportunity to live there. My education journey has been incredibly difficult, but I am so happy to finally be where I’ve always wanted to be. I wish I could go back in time to when I was getting my GED, and tell my younger self that things were going to work out. As of right now, I am planning on getting my bachelor’s in health and society, and then I am going to pursue a master’s in policy. This let’s me combine my interests of the medical world and public health, with my love for social justice.
I’m looking for an apartment this week, and have orientation coming up in a few weeks. Life sometimes has a weird way of getting you where you need to be. I’m excited to see where my life goes from here.
As usual, I hope you all are doing well.