The Incompleteness of Being Single

In January, I read Rupi Kaur’s poetry book, milk and honey and one poem in particular really stuck out to me.

” you are in the habit

of co-depending

on people to

make up for what

you think you lack

who tricked you

into believing

another person

was meant to complete you

when the most they can do is complement”

When people are in relationships they often introduce their significant other as their “better half.” Before this poem I had never really contemplated how much society tells us we are lacking something by simply being individuals. We are not whole until we’re in a relationship, and a relationship is something we should always desire.

No one can complete something that is already complete. I like the idea of complementing each other. Your significant other should bring out the best in you; they are not the best thing about you. I feel like younger generations are becoming less interested in being in long term relationships and getting married. Independence has become valued over commitment. From a certain standpoint, I understand that. Co-dependence can be toxic, and it’s important to learn how to exist as an individual.

The line, “co-depending on people to make up for what you think you lack” is so profound to me. We should not look to others to “make-up” for anything, but should instead focus on how we can better ourselves. This definitely goes both ways.  I believe people shouldn’t enter into relationships with the mindset that they are going to change their partner. You should accept your partner for who they are, and respect who they are out side of the “us” that you’ve created. You are not the reason they are great. If they were great before you, then they will be great after you.

If you aren’t interested in being in a relationship for any reason, that’s perfectly fine! I find it so odd that the general consensus seems to be that if people aren’t married or at the very least in a long-term relationship by a certain age, then something must be wrong with that person. Having different goals in life is perfectly fine. It’s also fine if you want to be in a relationship, but just haven’t found the right person yet.  “Co-depending” on people to try and compensate for the things you hate about yourself is not healthy, nor will it harvest a healthy relationship. In my eyes, it’s much better to be single, then it to settle in an unhappy relationship, hoping the things you don’t like about them will change, and believing you lack something without them.

Have you read any of Rupi Kaur’s work? What do you think of this poem?

 

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5 thoughts on “The Incompleteness of Being Single

  1. Nice analysis of this concept. It’s a big part of the harmfulness of anatonormativity and I wish you’d mentioned that people might have these different goals and not want to be in a romantic relationship at all because of their aromantic orientation too, although it’s true for everyone an explicit acknowledging of Aromanticism might be nice in a post like this.

    You also misquoted the poem, I could tell as soon as I read it and I’m not even previously acquainted with this poem, I don’t think…. “compliment” just isn’t the word that makes the most sense there. It’s “complement”. And you continued in an analysis to use compliment instead of complement. But complementing us the concept of bringing out the best in another that you described, whereas complimenting with that I in the middle of the word would be just noticing and commenting on the best in the person or something, lol. Sorry I just wanted to point that out to you. I Googled the poem to make sure I wasn’t wrong but indeed that was an error in this blog post is all.

    But anyway yeah I appreciate anything that challenges the idea that we need another in order to be complete, so thanks for writing this blog post!!

    Like

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