When Misogyny Kills

September 10th, 2017 Meredith Hight and seven of her friends were shot and killed in her home by her husband who she was divorcing. She filed for divorce back in July and hadn’t seen him much since. This past month he came to pick up some of his things while Meredith was home. He saw how happy she was and how much she was thriving without him, which led him to murdering her and her friends.

While this particular news story has layers of conflict and multiple issues going on, the thing that really stands out to me is how he decided to kill her after seeing how happy she was without him. It became obvious to him that Meredith didn’t need him, and in fact was doing better on her own and that enraged him.

How dare she live a fulfilling life without a man by her side?

How dare she stand up for herself and speak out against his abuse?

Domestic violence is not the only way the misogyny kills. Systematically our health care in America constantly mistreats and under-diagnoses women’s health issues and belittles them. Rape culture and toxic gender roles can be another way misogyny kills.

In a lot of these situations the combination of hyper-aggressive men, due to toxic masculinity and gender roles, and misogyny is what leads to the actual murder of women. The hyper-aggressive side leads to men feeling angry, entitled to women’s bodies, and makes them controlling as well as manipulative. The misogyny adds to the outrage when women don’t behave according to their standards, and reinforces the feelings of dominance.

Misogyny is not just an inconvenience or something “man hating women” made up.

Misogyny is real and it claims the lives of too many women.

 

Domestic Violence Help:

US: 1-800-799-7233

Canada: 1-877-336-2433

UK: 0808-2000-247

 

 

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My First Pride Experience 

This past weekend I went to Pride for the very first time!

On Saturday my sister and I went to the festival which consisted mostly of booths and they had a stage where different people performed. I got to see Alyssa Edwards ( a drag queen from Rupaul’s Drag Race Season 5) perform which was so cool! I’ve been wanting to see a drag performance for a while, but since I’m still a minor there aren’t any places near me that I could go to.

The festival was really fun, and it was cool to see a community of people being so unapologetic while living in a conservative state. We’re lucky that Dallas is one of the more progressive areas of Texas, but the state as a whole is still very conservative. Lots of great organizations like GLAAD, HRC, ACLU, and Equality Texas had booths, as well as some really cool queer owned companies!

Sunday was the parade, which is what I was most excited for. I was planning to just go with my sister, but last minute my parents decided they wanted to go too. To be completely honest I was a little apprehensive about having them come, because as open as they are, there are some things I thought they just wouldn’t understand. However, I was proved wrong and they had a great time!

It was SO hot on Sunday and right before the parade started I got really sick. My stomach began to hurt, my heart started racing, and I got that impending sense of doom that let me know I was going to pass out. Luckily there was a Walgreens just right there so I was able to stumble in and sit in the air conditioning for a few minutes, and got some Gatorade to try and bounce back. In around fifteen minutes I felt sooo much better and was able to enjoy the parade. It’s crazy how quickly things turn South for my body and how quickly they can bounce back!

Although a lot of the parade floats were catered more to gay and lesbian people, most of them celebrated the community as a whole. I saw a ton of trans pride stuff, and a decent amount of asexual pride stuff as well. Hopefully in the future Pride will become even more diverse, because everyone deserves to proud of who they are, especially when they aren’t one of the more well-known genders or sexualities.

I can’t wait to go to many more Pride events in the future. Next Pride I’ll be old enough to participate in a lot more, so that’s exciting. I feel so incredibly lucky to have such a supportive family. Maybe next year I’ll even have a good friend group I can go with!

Did you go to Pride? What was your first Pride experience like?

 

Being Successful in School while Chronically Ill

School and chronic illness are two things that do not mix well. From the constant absences, and annoyed teachers, to the  piles of make-up work the whole experience can be really difficult, and quite overwhelming. The majority of the time I’ve been chronically ill (roughly 5 1/2 years) I’ve also been in school. Here are some of the things I do to try and be successful in school:

  1. Organize Everything

Having a planner or agenda is important for anyone in school, but is essential for those who are chronically ill. Having to keep up with regular due dates, make-up due dates, and study hall times can be overwhelming. If you have brain fog like I do, it’s also easy to forget things, so writing everything down is important. It also helps you prioritize certain things in your work load.

2. Email Your Teachers

Inevitably some teachers aren’t going to like you if you’re absent all the time. It causes them to have to do more work and they feel like you’re a nuisance. Emailing all of your teachers when your absent helps show initiative and helps you get school work even when you’re not there. I also find that telling them when you’re in the hospital is important so that they know you’re definitely not going to be in class for a few days. Keeping everyone is the loop is the best to make sure you’re not falling too far behind.

3. Push Yourself…

There will be days that are ROUGH. You know you have an exam, a quiz, and a group project presentation that day but your body is rebelling. Sometimes when it feels impossible, you actually can do it. It will suck, it will be painful, but it is possible. You probably won’t have a good day, but you tried as hard as you could.

4. … but not too far

There will also be days that it is impossible. Do not ignore big warning signs from your body just to make it to class for a test. Do not send your body into a huge fit (well a bigger fir than it already is) because of the inner and outer pressure to conform to societies ideas of “successful.” A fulfilling life does not have to include a formal education or a long career. Also missing a few days of school will not keep you from getting the things you want. Will it make it harder? Sure. Will it take longer? Probably. Doing what’s best for your body is the most important thing.

5. Take Advantage of Disability Services

There is no shame in asking for help. Although it will never be an equal playing field between you and your peers due to your chronic illness, disability services can help tremendously. They help especially when it comes to absence policies and dealing with teachers who don’t understand your situation. You have rights and your school cannot infringe upon them just because they want more money from the state. **

 

These are my five tips for being successful in school while chronically ill. Do you have any tips for other students with chronic illness? Let me know!

 

 

** Schools often have a 90% rule where you have to be there 90% of the time and if you aren’t you have to do make-up hours. They want you to be there that much because for every student that makes it to school 90% of the time they get a certain amount of money. Not only is it ableist to force students to stay before and after school if they are absent due to illness, it is also illegal.

 

Here’s To You – Reblog

I really enjoyed this post from ashelylillyblog as a response to everything going on with DACA. Immigrants make our country great, and we should be recognizing their contributions instead of condemning their origins.

[The American Dream is an illusion. We cannot pretend the United States was founded on dreams and morality. In fact, it was founded on murder, slavery, and theft of entire regions of land and valuable pieces of Native culture. It was founded on the oppression of people of color, women, and anyone who did not […]

via Here’s To You (a love letter to immigrants) — ashleylillyblog

Older Siblings Leaving for College

I have two siblings, one brother and one sister, both older.

As of recently I have now watched them both leave for college, and have experienced the  being the much dreaded left behind younger sibling. Both experiences felt different for me, but it’s always tough to watch your siblings move on in life without you.

My sister went to college when I was starting eighth grade. Her last two years of high school she took on a lot of responsibilities and was really busy, so I didn’t see her a whole lot. I was also really sick and spent most of my time in my room, so that contributed to the situation as well. My sister and I are polar opposites and butt heads growing up; the five year age gap also didn’t help. When she left I was sad because I knew life would never be the same, but it wasn’t particularly devastating since we didn’t spend much time together anyway. It was hard to watch her move on, but it was more jealousy than grief. Now that she’s gone we have a much closer relationship and communicate with each other more than we ever have.

My older brother left for college mid August and this time things were different. He did two years at community college and lived at home, so we didn’t have the typical send off after high school was over. There were points in the past six months that I didn’t think he’d even try to apply to a university, let alone get in and decide to actually go. When the time came for him to move out it felt surreal. Now I was going to be the only child in my house. I spend the majority of my time alone and now that time will be even longer since he’s not around.

There’s a million selfish reasons why I didn’t want him to leave, but there’s also some concerns fueled by love. He’s a type one diabetic and the thought of him going so low he passes out and no one finding him or him not taking care of himself is nauseating. I may be his younger sister but I want to protect him and make sure he’s safe.

People often think of parents having a hard time when their children go off to college, but siblings can have a hard time too. Living with siblings verses just living with your parents is very different, and is a hard change to make. For me it’s also hard to watch my siblings move on, because I question if I will ever be able to do the things they’ve gotten to do due to my health.

I know so many people (especially people who only have one sibling who’s older) who had a really hard time watching their siblings go to college. It’s definitely a huge change for the whole family, and can be a rough transition. If your older siblings are leaving for college soon or just recently left, know that it will be hard in the begining but after a while a new normal sets in.

 

 

 

Starting School & Declining Health  

This week was my first week of being a full time college student!

I’m taking five class, which translates to 13 hours. Since this is my first semester (besides the one summer class I took) I’m taking the basics: Algebra, Biology and Lab, US History, and English.

This week has been a bit of a whirlwind. My health has been declining some, so I had a doctors visit on Monday after class. ( Warning TMI) She’s putting me on a new medication to hopefully help with a new problem I’ve been having-  passing undigested food in my stool. I really need to go see a gastroenterologist again, but I honestly just don’t want to. I know I probably need to do another colonoscopy/endoscopy and I don’t want to do that. For now I’m going to try the Colestid and see what happens.

Monday traffic at my school was TERRIBLE! I left my house at 9:15 and my class doesn’t start till 10:00, so I thought I had more than enough time. It only takes me 13-15 minutes to get there, so I had thirty minutes to park and find my class. When I got to the parking lot there were at least 150-200 people circling the parking lots looking for a spot. I honestly wasn’t really sure what to do. I circled every parking lot at least three times, and as the clock creeped closer to ten I got really nervous. Professors are understanding when people are late on the first day, but I still didn’t want to make a bad first impression, even if there were circumstances out of my control. Luckily I saw a guy come out of the school and I was able to stalk him and take his spot. That was at 9:55 so I had five minutes to walk tot the other side of the school and find my class. I made it to class on time though, which seemed like a miracle.

The rest of the week I gave myself an hour to get to campus and parking wasn’t really a problem. I had to walk really far, and wait around an hour for class to start, but at least I had a spot. My classes have been good, and overall haven’t given me very much work. I’m sure that will change soon though. Over the weekend I have some work, but since it’s labor day weekend it isn’t anything unmanagable, especially since I have three days to do it.

With my health getting worse, the reality of being in school and being chronically ill really hit me mid week. I’ve done the whole being chronically ill and going to school thing for 5 1/2 years and it’s getting old. I feel like I work so hard and get nothing in return. I’m trying to be positive and go into the new school year optimistically, but when things go south it feels more painful when I’ve been optimistic. Another big change is being around people the majority of the day. Since I’ve spent most of my time alone since becoming sick I’ve developed some social anxiety that makes being in public for extended periods of time emotionally exhausting (not to mention physically exhausting from everything else) and overwhelming.

Even if this is going to be a rough semester like the years before I’m grateful to be in a place at the moment that at least let’s me try to continue my education. Back in May there was no way I’d be able to go to school at all. It’s crazy how much my health can change so quickly. It declines rapidly and improves rapidly, I just never know which one to expect! Are you in school/ working? Do you have any Fall plans?

Let me know!

Lots of Love,

Alyssa