I would like to say I was surprised to wake up yesterday morning and find the tweets about banning trans people from the military, but honestly nothing he does shocks me anymore.
This however did seem out of the blue to me. No conversation, only a declaration. While technically nothing is set in stone or law yet, even stating these kinds of hatful things is harmful. This is the slow way to eventually ban trans people from existing. If they can’t go to the bathroom and can’t in the military, where can trans people exist then?
I wouldn’t say that I personally support the military in all of its endeavors, but being pro-military or not isn’t what this is about. Your gender shouldn’t determine what you can and can’t do or what you can and can’t be in life. If your willing to put your life on the line, you should be welcomed with open arms and allowed to live an authentic life.
Trump claims trans people are a “burden” due to their medical costs. The US military has quite the track record of not taking care of their veterans, or active duty member for that matter when it comes to health care of any kind. Not to mention not all trans people medically transition, and you shouldn’t assume they will or want to.
There are also over 15,000 trans people currently serving in our military. What’s going to happen to them? He acts like he’s stopping trans people from joining the armed forces, but no trans people are already serving. You cannot end sometimes career because of their gender identity. Are you going to discharge them like they did back when “don’t ask don’t tell” was a law? We’re going backwards on the progress we’ve made.
I believe this is just the beginning of an attack on the LGBTQIA+ community. He’s gone after trans people multiple times now, and it isn’t going to stop unless there is enough backlash. Even then it may not end. Gaby Dunn made a video about this, and she believes that Trump is going after trans people first, because they don’t always get the support that other members of the LGBTQIA+ members receive. I completely agree, and since that’s probably true everyone in the community, and everyone who is a decent human being, should show up and support trans people.
The LGBTQIA+ community is resilient and we will not let him get away with this.
Living in the moment is something I often have trouble with.
Life these past five years has not gone as I planned by any means. I feel like I’m always looking to the future when “I feel better” or “feel happier” thinking life will better then. Instead of trying to enjoy this chapter in my life, I’m always looking ahead.
I started college this summer at my local community college, and it’s been hard to enjoy it. I can’t help but think about how I “should have” graduated high school and “should have” gone to a four year university right away. Those things just aren’t going to happen for me, and I know I need to get over it. I’m guilty of judging people who’ve gone to community college in the past. Always assuming they screwed around in high school and so they couldn’t go anywhere else. Now looking back I realize how prejudiced and rude that was, but I still push those stereotypes on myself.
I’m grateful that my health is in a place that let’s me be able to start college full time in the fall. I should enjoy this time I have feeling well, since I never know when I’ll flare again. Honestly I’m afraid of my next flare. As the fall school year becomes closer and closer, I’m scared I’ll flare right when classes start. I really want to go to school full time this year, and I want to be successful. Instead of enjoying feeling well, I’m often worried and thinking about all of that what-ifs.
Sometimes I just need to take a deep breath and remind myself of all the wonderful things in my life. Sure, there’s gapping holes that I’ve desperately wanted to fill for years, but I have so many amazing things in my life going on too. Even in these times when I’m feeling better I can’t help but feel the exhaustion of my past. I’m only seventeen, but living seventeen more years sounds horrendous. My life is supposed to be “just beginning,” but it already feels so long.
I want to live in the moment. I want to enjoy the now.
Yesterday I went to the Dallas Art Museum specifically to see the Mexico Exhibit.
For the summer class I’m taking I also had to visit an art museum, so this trip killed two birds with one stone. I really wanted to see the Mexico exhibit because they had some Frida Kahlo Paintings on display and I love her work. They also had quite a few of her husband, Diego Rivera’s pieces.
The whole exhibit was amazing. They showcased so many talented Mexican artists! The only thing about the visit that wasn’t great was the wait. We waited an hour to see the first half of the exhibit and twenty minutes to see the second half. I’m not an impatient person, so I was willing to wait, and happy to see that hundreds of people showed up to see the exhibit. My chronic pain however is very impatient. By the time we got to see the second half (which was where Frida’s work was) I was in so much pain it was hard to enjoy to the fullest extent. After finding her work I kind of rushed through the rest of it because my feet were hurting so bad. Seeing her work in person was definitely worth the wait and the pain though.
They had three of her pieces, all self portraits. So many people dressed up as Frida and overall most people were there to see her work. The majority of the people there to see the exhibit were hispanic, which I thought was really cool. Art can often be white-washed and male dominated so it was nice to see such a crowd for Frida.
I really like the way her dress looks translucent in Rivera’s painting. This was a painting of one of Rivera’s previous wives, before Kahlo.
The detail in this painting astounds me. All of the vegetation has incredible texture and the dress is so ornate. It must have taken months or even years to paint.
In addition to paintings they had a few sculptures. I found this one particularly fascinating. It’s a metal puppet entitled “The Androgyne.”
I hope I get to see more of Frida’s work in the future and would love to see this whole exhibit again.
Yesterday was my first day of my first college class.
Even though I’ve taken all the steps to get here, it doesn’t feel real at all. I’m seventeen and going to college, and it feels weird.
Not a whole lot is going to change. It’s community college, so the work shouldn’t be that difficult, and I’m still living at home. I left high school back in November of 2016, so its been a while since I’ve been to school. The only fear I really have is getting really sick again and having to leave, other than that I’m not too nervous. It’s been five and half years since I’ve been able to go to school full time. That means I was twelve last time I went to school consistently, so it’s been quite a long time.
The first day of class went pretty smoothly. I’m taking Art appreciation, since I need an art credit. We aren’t using a textbook and we won’t have a final exam, which was pretty surprising to me. I had to go to Micheal’s after class though and get a bunch of painting supplies because, as a surprise to me, we’re painting. I thought we would be appreciating art, not creating it. I have lots of good artistic ideas (well, good ideas to me at least) but actually executing them well isn’t my thing. I’m sure he won’t grade too hard on how it looks since this is a beginners class though.
Today I have a meeting to finalize setting up disability services with my college. I’m pretty proud of myself for doing everything I needed to do to set this up, and applying for college in general all by myself. The only thing my parents did is fax papers to the college from their work, since we don’t have a fax machine at home. This will be the first time I’l have to advocate for my health all by myself, which gives me some anxiety. I usually do most of the talking, but my mom’s usually there to fill in the areas I’ve forgotten. Gotta love brain fog!
Things feel like they’re going in a good direction for once. I just hope it stays that way.
What’s new with you? Do you have any Summer plans?
Recently I hit 200 followers and June was my six-month blogging anniversary.
Thank you to everyone reading this and those who continuously follow my blog! When I started this blog, I honestly thought I would post for a few weeks, get bored, and never blog again. Six months in and over 100 posts later, I was definitely wrong.
Reading everyone’s comments always brightens my day, and I love starting conversations, especially about controversial issues. I’ve been able to meet some really cool people online through this blog, and have been exposed to a lot of really amazing writers.
While we never know where life is going to take us, I hope to still in blogging in six more months. Thank you again for reading Queerly Texan and making me feel a little less alone in this world.