Dead: Chronically Misunderstood

I can remember this moment as if it were yesterday.

I walked into fifth period with a haze over me from the pain meds I had taken that morning. I felt horrible but I had missed this class everyday for weeks and knew I needed to go in order to attempt to catch up. There were three people I recognized in that English class and the rest were complete strangers.

When I walked in there was a boy siting in my seat, naturally I though they had changed seats so I asked a girl who sat by my presumably “old seat” if the teacher had changed the seating chart. “Ugh no,”  she scoffed at me, “we’ve been in the same seats from the beginning of the year.” I didn’t have the energy nor the will to scoff back or come up with a witty comment. “I used to sit there, where’s your old seat? I’ll move,” I ask the boy.

Before he can respond the girl juts in, “Oh your that girl” she says as she rolls her eyes. The boy got up and I sat down exhausted and slightly annoyed at her unnecessary attitude. As I unpacked my things the other students began to talk about me as if I wasn’t there. “I thought she moved” one kid said, “I didn’t think she was ever coming back another chimed in. Then as if the whole world went into slow motion the same rude girl spits out, “well I thought she died.”

I thought she died.

The conversation continues with the other students saying “Oh no I didn’t think she died, but I’m surprised she’s back.” I sat in disbelief. These people who don’t even know my name are having a whole conversation about me while I sit right in front of them. I’m just “that girl” to them.

Looking back I wish I was coherent enough to have snapped back, “thanks for coming to my funeral. You seem really upset by my death.” Honestly the lack of social awareness is what makes this semi-funny. I have to admit a part of me is still a little annoyed that they behaved that way and couldn’t care less about the status of my life. Teenagers can be so insensitive. Of course they didn’t know this but at the time I wasn’t sure if I was going to die or not, soon I mean; we’re all going to die. I had no diagnosis (but that hasn’t changed) and I was in such severe pain everyday that something was obviously really wrong.

Now it’s almost comical, but in the moment it was just one more thing to deal with. Moral of the story think before you speak, oh and also just don’t be a jerk.

Lots of Love,

If a dead girl can even love 🙂

Alyssa

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10 thoughts on “Dead: Chronically Misunderstood

  1. I’ve mentioned to you before that I left high school a year early. Well, I didn’t tell anyone I was leaving except my two closest friends and my boyfriend. I literally just disappeared my senior year. Nobody knew where I went lol. The one friend who was still there told me that there were some rumors going around that people thought I died. My only regret is that I wasn’t there to hear it…because I would have loved that.

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  2. that’s awful! unfortunately, insensitivity isn’t limited to just teenagers, but some could certainly use some lessons on how to treat other people. good for you for handling it with such grace!

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  3. How rude. I don’t know if I’m more disgusted by what was said, or that they had the gall to say it.
    Unfortunately teenagers aren’t the most compassionate of people.
    I’m proud of you for going to the class, and for dealing with that with grace and dignity.

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    1. I was definitely more appalled that they had the gall to say it and in such a harsh tone. If they had said it in a joking way I wouldn’t be offended, but they said it so matter of fact. Ugh you’re right teenagers aren’t very compassionate and don’t seem to understand basic social rules.

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  4. Ooh, I have a “I thought she died” story for you, too! I don’t know if teenagers still do this, but people from school would do this “like my status and I’ll…” thing on Facebook. Well, this one was from a guy I’d known since elementary school and totally had a crush on. He’d posted “like my status for a tbh” or something like that. So I did. And he puts, “Tbh I thought you died lol”. What was I supposed to say to that?? 😂 I’m pretty sure it’s still on my timeline if I were to go back far enough… Just wanted to let you know I’ve been there, if it’s of any comfort.

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      1. I think he meant the lol as “lol I can’t believe I thought you were dead” but yeah it’s still weird. The way your classmates handled it was awful and I’m sorry that happened to you. ❤️

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