17 Going on 67

I haven’t been feeling great for the past two weeks or so.

I don’t think I’m in full flare mode yet, but my body just feels bad. I’m not having migraines, but I am having daily headaches and gastro issues. My tachycardia has been affecting me more than usual and making me really tired. I just feel old.

My joints hurt, and everything is exhausting. Weird things keep happening that aren’t a big deal, I just don’t normally experience them. My muscles have been twitching, my joint crack ridiculously loud every time I move, and a few times in the past week I’ve started shaking randomly. These things probably won’t last long, because my body is an asshole who likes to mess with me, but they’re annoying none the less. It’s been hard to explain, but something feels off. I’m not in a ton of pain, but I feel terrible and that’s not really something you can fix.

I went to my first appointment at a new counselor since the last one kept canceling on us. It was an “intake” appointment and she just asked me a bunch of questions. I feel like all I’m doing is complaining, but to be honest I didn’t really like her. She asked me a few questions in the beginning and my brain went blank. I couldn’t think, my heart starting racing even faster than normal, my whole body flushed, and I felt lightheaded. I was embarrassed and said, “I’m sorry my brains a little foggy today,” and she just gave me a look like I was crazy and said “oooooh kayyyy.” It felt really judgmental even if she didn’t mean it that way. She also said somethings that rubbed me the wrong way and tried to give me medical advice, which is so very annoying. I’m still going to try to have one real appointment with her and give her a chance, because there isn’t anyone in my area who wants to see a seventeen year old with chronic health issues.

I’m really hoping they’ll find something in my electrophysiology study next week, because this fatigue is awful. I’m normally pretty fatigued, but this a whole other ball game. I am grateful that I’ve only had a few episodes of extreme pain, but I’m fearful for the weeks to come. This time of year is normally really bad for me, so it’s been kind of weird that I’ve had less pain than normal. I’m trying my best to stay positive, although this post wasn’t very positive was it? Sometimes we all just need to rant.  I have a hard time finding a balance between my realist personality, inner cynic, and the positive person I know I should be trying to be.

How are you doing? Let me know what’s knew in your life or what’s been going on!

Lots of Love,

Alyssa

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6 thoughts on “17 Going on 67

  1. I’m so sorry about the counselor! I’m in that field and there’s nothing as irritating to me. I’ve seen it before – that sense of judgment and feeling like they don’t “get you”. I’ve been in similar situations where I think the person doesn’t really care, understand or something. Sometimes, you just don’t click. Hoping the other irritating stuff gets better as well. Sometimes, when I bitch about something, I feel much better just for having gotten it out of my system so I don’t see it as you complaining. Sometimes, you just need to vent.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Vent and rant away Alyssa! I am so sorry you’re not doing well. Believe me, I completely emphasize. I’m 52 but feel like I’m going on 90! It’s especially frustrating when you’re young though. I’ve been dealing with health issues my entire life and the worst times were in my teens and twenties, when it had a huge impact on socializing and school. This new therapist doesn’t sound great. I think it’s wise to try one more visit, but if you’re still not comfortable I’d definitely look for another. I hope you get some answers from your test next week also. One of the worst things is not having a name to put on how you’re feeling.💁🏻

    Liked by 1 person

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