The Domestic Life and Me

I have no interest in “being domestic.”

I don’t want to be a stay at home mom.

And I think cooking and cleaning all day sounds incredibly boring.

I have major respect for all stay at home parents; it’s just not something I want to do. My whole life I’ve been taught by society that being a mom is all I should want. But it’s not. I would much rather have a successful career than be a mom, but in a perfect world I’d like to have both.

Growing up my mom worked part time, so she was able to drop us off at school and pick us up. Now she works full time, but I’m the youngest in the family, and since I dropped out, there is no school to go to. She was the perfect “working mom,” she was unfailingly there for us, but still was able to make money. My dad has always been the main “bread-winner,” but my mom has always contributed financially. I know in some situations it makes more sense economically for one parent to stay home, or someone people just want to, but if I had my way, my future wife and I would both contribute financially to our family.

My Grandmother was a stay at home mom and it’s all she ever wanted in life. My grandfather is a preacher and they carry out very stereotypical roles in their marriage. She asks me if I have boyfriend every time I visit (jokes on her, right?) and likes to tell me the story of how three guys proposed to her before she graduated high school. I’m glad she got to live out the dream life she wanted, but over the years it’s become abundantly clear that is the last thing I want. Her house is always clean, and she loves doing typical domestic duties. I couldn’t imagine anything more boring, but maybe that has something to do with me being seventeen and having a need for adventure.

The idea of not working makes me uncomfortable. Maybe it’s because I’m currently not going to school or working and I hate it. But when I’m in a situation where I can work or go to school, I will. I don’t like the idea of completely depending on someone else when I’m an adult. Yes, there are tons of situations where you have to (you’re disabled, chronically ill, or can’t find job) but I’m hoping I won’t be sick for all my adult life.

I want to go to college and then possibly grad or law school. It doesn’t make since to me to drop thousands of dollars on an education only to stay home all day. My older sister is in college, and goes to school thats known for “ring before spring” mentality, and “housewife degrees.” Now these terms are harsh, but tend to be true in a lot of situations. If you don’t  know, “ring before spring” refers to girls trying to get engaged before the spring semester of their senior year in college, so they can get married right away and never have to work. It’s a messed up concept, and not everyone who gets engaged while in college is like this, but here in the south it happens a lot. A “housewife degree” is something like a psychology degree without getting a masters, or interior design at a university that isn’t an art school. Basically it’s an easy degree that won’t be much use.

I’m not a fan of these terms because they’re harsh and not always accurate, but becoming one of “those girls” has always been something I’ve been afraid of. The whole me being gay thing definitely changes things. There isn’t as much pressure to get married for financial security when you aren’t bound by outdated gender roles.

I do want kids and I like to cook occasionally, but the white picket fence life isn’t for me. I’d rather have the “trendy condo in the middle of downtown Seattle or San Fransisco” kinda life. Do you want to be a stay at home mom? Are you a stay at home mom? Let me know how you feel!

Lots of Love,

Alyssa

P.S.- Thank you to everyone who reads! I hit 50 followers and that is crazy! I started doing this as an outlet for my feelings and thoughts and the fact that anyone reads really brightens my day and brings me joy.

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7 thoughts on “The Domestic Life and Me

  1. I will be completely honest with you, I hate being a stay at home mom. I’ve always hated it. At first it was uncomfortable for me to have my boyfriend at the time (now husband) be the only one providing for my son and I. I’ve since gotten over that but I still hate being home. I don’t like to clean all day, I don’t like cooking, and my kids drive me fucking nuts most days. However, nannies and day cares in the Bay Area cost more than I could ever make. So I go to school instead. There are pros and cons to both situations. You need to do what works for you and fuck what anyone else says.
    I dream of the days when my kids are in school and I have graduated college so I can go out and get a job instead of filling my days with homework and playing with a 1 year old and 3.5 year old.
    As I type this I realize I sound ungrateful, and I’m not; I appreciate everything my husband does for our family. It’s just not my ideal situation is all…

    Like

    1. You don’t sound ungrateful at all. Not wanting to stay home all day doesn’t make you bad person. I baby sit sometimes and after a few hours I’m annoyed and tired of being there, let alone having to be with children every hour of every day. I think there should be more programs to help with childcare, since it’s so expensive. I’m not a parent, but I think everyone needs time away from their kids in order to want to be with them. Being with anyone 24/7 is gonna drive you crazy, and that’s understandable. I hope you’re able to get your education done as soon as possible so you can do what you want!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I agree. My sanity was going so I signed us up for an expensive gym by us that has 4 hrs of daycare. I don’t even work out, I need to start but I hate it. 😔 But the boys go to kids world and have a blast with all the other kids and I get some alone time. Now I just need to make some friends so I can talk to an actual adult from time to time. 😂

        Liked by 1 person

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