Isolated

Chronic illness is isolating.

I have spent the majority of the past five years alone, in a dark room. I no longer attend high school, and I don’t talk to any of my old friends. I’m not saying these things for pity, or sympathy; they are just simple facts.

Chronic pain keeps me from doing or enjoying pretty much everything I used to. I got sick during the transitional time from elementary school to middle school, so making new friends became really hard. Now that I’ve started online school, I don’t see anyone from my old high school or talk to them. The only “new places” I’ve been going are doctors offices – so I don’t think I’m gonna find any new friends there, but hey ya never know.

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After a few months/years friends and family get tired of asking me how I am feeling. They assume I’m gonna better, and forget I’m sick. But I don’t forget; I don’t have that luxury. They get tired of hearing me say “I’m in pain” or feel fatigued. They no longer want to know about my doctors visits or hospital stays. I don’t blame them, the never ending cycle of chronic illness is tiring and generally negative. Friends were the first thing I lost. A few close ones stuck around a couple of years, but now they’re gone too. My immediate family is still here for me, but my extended family never asks how I am anymore. I don’t need/want them to make a big deal about it – but it would be nice if they’d ask about me every once in a while.

Being alone almost all the time makes going out in public hard. I’m sensitive to noise, and the world is one big ball of sound. I never had social anxiety before, but now it’s exhausting being around other people. I feel emotionally drained even being around family. I know I’m gonna have to get over this, because I can’t stay in my room at my parents house for the rest of my life. I want to go to college and get a good job. Both of those things are gonna have to involve being around other people on a daily basis. I can have a negative outlook on life, and when a lot of negative things are going on it makes it 10x more difficult to act cheery and positive. .

If you find chronic illness isolating – you’re not alone. I’m here and probably in my pajamas.

Lots of Love,

Alyssa

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7 thoughts on “Isolated

  1. You are not alone in feeling like this and isolating. You described my life to a T. It sucks so bad. Just like you, friends don’t call or come over. They just pretty much fell off the face of the earth. I do have a few good friends, but they have jobs and kids and busy lives. I’m just like you. I’m in the bed, in the dark, with the door locked…………every day, all day, unless I have appointments. If it weren’t for my many appointments I have each and every week, I seriously would have no reason to even get up to shower or anything. It’s a lonely world living with chronic illness (es) I haven’t been out of bed for like 3 weeks because I got shingles. I’ve been canceling all my appointments the past 3 weeks. I had to force myself not to cancel my appointment today because I’d already canceled so many times. So, while I was out and about, I stopped at Walgreen’s to get all my non food stuff. I just about collapsed before even getting out of the pharmacy. I can tell, my muscles are really atrophied and that is not good because the heart is a muscle and that could be atrophying, too……………………..sigh…………………just know there’s a whole lot of people right here that do understand and are always here for you. This blogging is my main connection to the outside world. My therapist’s both keep telling me to be social, to call friends and invite them over……..I’m not wasting my time because I already know the answer…………………..So, I’m here if you ever need to rant or just want to talk or ask any questions. I had been neglecting even my blog over the past few months and that’s not like me, but I haven’t wanted to do anything, so I’ll try to be here. I’m making an effort every day to get on here and read blogs and such, so if you wanna talk, just go to one of my posts and leave me a message in the comment box. I have it set up to where I have to approve all comments to be posted, so I just wouldn’t post it, of course, but you could get a hold of me that way. I hope things get better for you in the new year. I hope the same for myself. You’re way too young to be this sick. I am so sorry. That just has to be so very difficult…………….breaks my heart whenever I see young people going through chronic illness (es), surgeries all the time, procedures, hospitalizations, doctor visits, trips to the ER, being poked by needles all the time…………………yeah, we’re making it up because all of that is so much fun……………………………………….I wish the best for you!

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    1. Thank you so much, I really appreciate all the kind things you have commented. I’m sorry that you are dealing with friends leaving, because I know how painful it is. I will be praying that the new year brings you more good days! From what I understand shingles can be very debilitating, so I sincerely hope you can recover as quickly as possible from that. I just recently started this blog and it has been an amazing outlet for me. The comments really brighten my day, and bring some much needed positivity into my life. I can’t wait to see what you blog – I hope you’re able to get back to writing regularly soon! Have a great evening and new year 🙂

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      1. You’re so welcome. February will be 4 years I’ve been blogging. One of my therapist’s suggested it. I asked her if she was out of her ever living mind? I told her, I cannot write. Who would want to read what I have to say? I decided I would give it a try. I’m not too tech savvy so you should have seen my blog when I first started out. lol lol lol oh my, it was a sight. It’s still pretty bad, as far as the lay out, but I’m no professional, so as long as I can get my thoughts and feelings out of my head and onto the computer, people will come and people will read. People will “like” what you write and comment. You’ll develop friendships here. There are so many amazing people here. I’m so glad I gave in and gave it a try. I have a long list of illnesses. I blog about that. I blog about how it is living this way. I blog about random events in my life, such as when my best friend died, and when my brother died, I wrote a post forgiving the asshole, excuse me, that killed my dad when I was only 8……so, there’s a wide variety. People blog about anything and everything. Somewhere along the way, I started writing in poem form. I’ve never liked poems a day in my life. I never ever even enjoyed writing about anything, but I had no desire to become a nurse, either, but being the good friend that I am, I went to nursing school with a friend that didn’t want to go alone. Seriously…………….no desire whatsoever…………………..and guess what happened? I found my calling. I absolutely loved it, still love it, but I would listen and I was just so fascinated with it all, I just soaked up that knowledge and it stuck……..So, nursing and writing are 2 things I would have sworn I’d never do!! Sometimes it pays to step outside your comfort zone. You’d be amazed at the things you think you don’t like, that you’ll learn you love…..crazy how that works. So, have a read when you feel up to it. On the right side of my blog is the list, month by month. If you get to the end of the page, just click on see more or whatever it says. I really love blogging. You won’t feel so lonely if you blog. I promise. Take care. See, I think I just got me a new friend, in you!! 🙂 Peace out! 🙂

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  2. Chronic illness can definitely be isolating. But you never know where you’ll find new friends. Almost all of my friends left after I got ill too but I’ve made new ones online now who are so much better and understand.
    I definitely understand about social anxiety. I had it before but it’s so much worse when even being around people tires us out. Things change though and I hope you manage to do the things you want.

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