I am always looking for answers.
Why did I become sick?
Why am I still sick?
Was it something I did or didn’t do?
As an imperfect being, I am constantly looking to put the blame on something. Wether thats on myself, someone else, or doctors, I want answers for the cause of bad situations in life. I know that being chronically ill isn’t my fault. I didn’t cause this anymore than I caused my eyes to be blue, or my hair to be brown.
Yes, there are situations where our actions affect our health. (smoking leads to lung cancer for example) Even though we may make mistakes that can effect our health, as humans we didn’t do anything directly to cause these problems. You can do everything right, and still get sick. For example, two days ago my Grandmother was diagnosed with oral squamous cell cancer. The only actions that can lead to this type of cancer (besides just luck of the draw) are drinking and smoking; two things she’s never done in her life. So why is she sick? Who’s to blame?
I think the answer to all these questions is not one we often want to hear. No one is to blame. Unfortunately bad things happen to everyone, regardless of what kind of person you are. Blaming yourself for everything that goes wrong in life, and especially with your health, won’t be the solution to any problems.
I believe God is loving and not revengeful. He doesn’t make us sick or “put” us in bad situations. Having a rough patch doesn’t mean he isn’t there for us, or loves us any less than someone who is having an easy time in life. We must stop putting the fault on ourselves. I am guilty of thinking that if I did some things differently that life would be easier for me, but no amount of “good deeds” is going to change my health status.
If you’re chronically ill, know that it isn’t your fault. We so often out the blame on ourselves, and anxiety and stress only causes our condition to get worse. If a friend or family member tells you what you “should” be doing, and how changing your actions can “heal you,” just know they are wrong, and as long as you’re trying your best, there is nothing else to be done. Past mistakes are not the cause for our hardships, and believing that everything is your fault will only drag you down a deep, and dark hole of depression. You are loved, and you are not the problem.
Lots of Love,