I live in Texas, which I feel like I’ve made that abundantly clear, but if you didn’t know, now you do. Unfortunately this means the majority of my family is super conservative, and I’m going to have to see them at Christmas.
We normally spend two days at my Grandmother’s house on Christmas, but now that both my parents work full time, we will only be going on Christmas morning and leaving that afternoon. I love my family, but I don’t have a lot in common with them, and my extended family doesn’t know I’m gay.
It’s not that I’m too scared to tell them or don’t want them to know, I just don’t want to hear their responses. I think most of them would be too shocked to say anything, but at least one of my uncles would probably be rude about it. All my “coming out” experiences have been positive so far, and I really don’t want that to change. I know that at some point I’m going to have someone reprimand me for my sexuality, or a random person on the street yell at me when I hold a girls hand, but for now I’ve only experienced love and kindness.
Of course I won’t wait till I get engaged and then drop the bomb on them, but I have no plans to do it anytime soon. They probably wouldn’t come to my future wedding anyway. I’ve told my mom that she can tell whoever she wants, but I don’t think she feels ready to tell other people herself. The only bad thing about not telling them is I feel like I can’t be myself around any of them, and it’s exhausting.
At Thanksgiving it took all of ten minutes for my least favorite uncle to say something racist. Ten Minutes. I am very opinionated and have a spit-fire attitude a lot of the time, so being around them is hard for me. It isn’t only the fact that I’m gay, its also that I am WAY more progressive than all of them, identify as a feminist, and generally can’t stand their bigotry. I mostly just don’t speak a whole lot at family functions , or I ask other people about their lives. Every single time either one of my aunts or my Grandmother will ask me if I have a boyfriend. No, and I never will.
My immediate family is so supportive, and for that I will forever be grateful. Many people have terrible coming out experiences, and I cannot imagine the pain that must come with that. This holiday season, spend time with the people you love, and those who love you back. Just because someone is related to you, doesn’t mean you owe them anything. Family can have so many different definitions, and if those people aren’t the same people as your biological family, thats okay. Holidays can be hard when your relationship with your family is rough, but know there are other people like me out there who will love and accept you.
Lots of Love This Holiday Season,