If your chronic illness is anything like my chronic migraines, abdominal migraines, and whatever else is going on in my crazy body, then you go through cycles. A lot of people refer to this cycle of going in and out of having terrible pain days…weeks…months, as having a “flare up.”
Most of my flares last 1-2 months, with around 3-4 weeks of them being absolutely terrible. Right now I have cycled out of a flared up as of about two weeks ago. Granted I never feel great, but I feel considerably better than I do during one of my dark times. The only problem I have with “cycling out,” is that I know I’m going to go back to being in a ton of pain soon. These cycles tend to give me the false hope that I may actually be getting better for real this time, but so far that’s never been true.
Don’t get me wrong, I am incredibly grateful for the times that I do feel alright, because I know some people don’t ever feel even okay. Chronic illness is a sick game of false hope. You’re promised by doctors that “this will be the fix you’re looking for,” only to get worse or just not improve at all. I always to try to get lots of things done while I’m feeling well, but it’s balancing act because doing too much will send me into a flare.
My fear is that I’m going to cycle into a terrible pain episode right before Christmas. I absolutely love Christmas. The candle lit church services, the hot beverages, the pretty wrapping paper; I could go on. I have spent too many holidays feeling poorly, and I just don’t want this to be another one. I am trying my best to be, as I like to say, “cautiously optimistic,” that I will feel at least okay this Christmas .
I hope all of you are having a great holiday season, and have fun celebrating any holiday this December. I’d love to hear your favorite things about Christmas time, or best holiday memory!
Lots of Love,