False Hope and Flares

If your chronic illness is anything like my chronic migraines, abdominal migraines, and whatever else is going on in my crazy body, then you go through cycles. A lot of people refer to this cycle of going in and out of having terrible pain days…weeks…months, as having a “flare up.”

Most of my flares last 1-2 months, with around 3-4 weeks of them being absolutely terrible. Right now I have cycled out of a flared up as of about two weeks ago. Granted I never feel great, but I feel considerably better than I do during one of my dark times. The only problem I have with “cycling out,” is that I know I’m going to go back to being in a ton of pain soon. These cycles tend to give me the false hope that I may actually be getting better for real this time, but so far that’s never been true.

Don’t get me wrong, I am incredibly grateful for the times that I do feel alright, because I know some people don’t ever feel even okay. Chronic illness is a sick game of false hope. You’re promised by doctors that “this will be the fix you’re looking for,”  only to get worse or just not improve at all. I always to try to get lots of things done while I’m feeling well, but it’s balancing act because doing too much will send me into a flare.

My fear is that I’m going to cycle into a terrible pain episode right before Christmas. I absolutely love Christmas. The candle lit church services, the hot beverages, the pretty wrapping paper; I could go on. I have spent too many holidays feeling poorly, and I just don’t want this to be another one. I am trying my best to be, as I like to say, “cautiously optimistic,” that I will feel at least okay this Christmas .

I hope all of you are having a great holiday season, and have fun celebrating any holiday this December. I’d love to hear your favorite things about Christmas time, or best holiday memory!

Lots of Love,

Alyssa

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3 thoughts on “False Hope and Flares

  1. I can completely emphasize vAlyssa, I suffer from excruciating migraines, fibro, neuropathy, and other autoimmune disorders. Right now I’m sitting here with my migra-cap on praying for the pain to go away. I almost always have a flare this time of year. I think it’s partly the changes of weather, and partly the craziness of the holiday season. Okay. I’m crawling back into bed now. I hope you stay pain free!

    Liked by 1 person

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